What the hell is WRONG with people?: February 2008 Archives

Or - What, your tenured position not keeping you quite busy enough, dude?

Every campus has one.  Actually, every department probably has one or two, but at every university at least one permanently disgruntled (always tenured) faculty member manages to rise above the whining crowd and lodge him or herself permanently into the side of the university as a particularly pointless thorn.

I could spend time perfoming disparaging psychological analyses on what, exactly, is wrong with people who are miserable if they aren't miserable, but you get the picture.

In our case, the thorn is a total stereotype of the whole "fight the power, man" remnant of the 1960's, who has taken it upon himself to determine a) What the university stands for, and b) That we aren't living up to these standards.  Then he takes it upon himself on a regular basis to Send Angry Emails to the Editors of On-Campus Publications and Alert The Local and National Media to our shortcomings, which leads to conversations like this one:

Eager Newbie Reporter:  "Hi, just wanted to let you know we're sending a crew over this afternoon to talk to a faculty member about Pressing Local Hotbutton Issue X, and wanted to see if there was a member of the adminstration available to speak with us as well."

University PR Flack:  "Okay, who are you coming to see?"

Eager Newbie Reporter: "Professor Griper."

University PR Flack: (stifles giggle) "Ah.  Did the Professor contact you directly?"

Eager Newbie Reporter:  "Um.  Not sure.  Just following up."  [This is code for - a producer told me to do this, I'm looking for a juicy story, and this may just be the one!  Look out, local anchor with the helmet hair!  You're on notice!]

University PR Flack:  "Okay.  The go-to person on every aspect of this issue is actually Administrator Calm Dude.  Let me track him down for you.  What time will you be here?

Eager Newbie Reporter: "What about Professor Griper?"

University PR Flack:  (trying desperately not to let the deep sarcasm seep into her tone) "The professor is a thoughtful and committed member of the university community who feels deeply about this particular issue."

Eager Newbie Reporter: (perhaps sensing that something is not quite what it seems, but can't put his finger on it, and is seeing his helmet-hair anchor dreams evaporating) "OK.  Thanks."

University PR Flack: "No problem."  (hangs up phone and addresses office mates)  "Hey guys!  Gotta catch the six o'clock tonight!  Nutty McNutbar will be agitating against the MAN!  Live!  On camera!"

And so it goes.  I love my job - and I'm not being sarcastic.  I just have a deep and abiding appreciation for the unintentional hilarity that folks like this cause.  Perhaps one day, an hour or two after my retirement party, I will send a general email to whoever is the current Griper General and point out that they do have a job description for folks who want to be in charge of the university's direction--it's called Chancellor. 

But, you know, that would require them to be responsible for the consequences of taking constant pot-shots at people and administrators, so that's right out. 

What is it that our rabble-rouser is so fond of saying?  If you aren't part of the solution you're part of the problem?  Yeah.  Oh, by the way, Captain Disgruntled, Irony's holding for you on line two.