Perils of Reproduction: November 2007 Archives
Phone call yesterday afternoon:
"Mommy? I think I swallowed my tooth."
"The one you wouldn't let me pull out yesterday because it was merely hanging by a thread?"
"Uh-huh. I went to wiggle it and it was gone. I felt it in my throat."
"Oh. Well, we'll just write the tooth fairy a note tonight, then. She'll probably still give you cash."
"What about my tooth?
"It'll go through your body like food."
"I'll poop out a tooth?"
"Yep."
"So I need to save my poop for the tooth fairy?"
"No, son. We'll write her a note. This sort of thing happens a lot."
"Okay, but you write the note and sign it like with notes to school."
So we wrote a note that said, "Sorry, accidentally swallowed tooth!" and put it under The Boy's pillow. This morning, there was a dollar and a scribbled reply that read, "No problem! T.F."
And there you have it. The Tooth Fairy takes signed excuse notes from moms. No poop-saving necessary, for which I am sure she is thankful.
"Mommy? I think I swallowed my tooth."
"The one you wouldn't let me pull out yesterday because it was merely hanging by a thread?"
"Uh-huh. I went to wiggle it and it was gone. I felt it in my throat."
"Oh. Well, we'll just write the tooth fairy a note tonight, then. She'll probably still give you cash."
"What about my tooth?
"It'll go through your body like food."
"I'll poop out a tooth?"
"Yep."
"So I need to save my poop for the tooth fairy?"
"No, son. We'll write her a note. This sort of thing happens a lot."
"Okay, but you write the note and sign it like with notes to school."
So we wrote a note that said, "Sorry, accidentally swallowed tooth!" and put it under The Boy's pillow. This morning, there was a dollar and a scribbled reply that read, "No problem! T.F."
And there you have it. The Tooth Fairy takes signed excuse notes from moms. No poop-saving necessary, for which I am sure she is thankful.
My sinuses have precluded me from being at all interesting this week. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.
And also, thanks, Hublet, for sharing the germs with me that have led to my sinus trauma, a surfeit of phlegm, and my total inability to think or amuse! Yep, I'm blaming you for my shortcomings. Because it's easier than trying to, you know, overcome them.
I'd like to take this opportunity to ask those of you on our Christmas card list to please keep in mind that the photo adorning your card was selected by The Boy. Because he is VERY VERY PROUD of the fact that he recently lost a tooth. Which explains his expression in the photo. And also? The top of Hublet's head was totally there when I looked at the online proofs. And that the misshapen lumpy thing that appears to be the left side of my hairdo is actually my folks' Christmas tree. I know it doesn't seem like it at first glance, but please do me the favor of looking more closely. I don't have a tumor, and was having only a moderately bad hair day. Finally, no, I don't know why Hublet appears to be leaning to the right. It was an awkward pose, and I'm thinking he might have been about to fall over. But I do love the way that Hublet's smile totally mirrors The Boy's, even though Hublet hasn't recently lost a tooth. If nothing else, you may want to keep this photo as irrevocable proof that I was merely a mode of transport for The Boy during his gestation, as he looks NOTHING like me.
Or maybe you can file it under "Failed familial experiments - why having Christmas card photos made two mornings after a bloat-inducing Thanksgiving dinner while hopped up on decongestants and trying to get ahead of the travel rush" is perhaps not my best idea ever.
And also, thanks, Hublet, for sharing the germs with me that have led to my sinus trauma, a surfeit of phlegm, and my total inability to think or amuse! Yep, I'm blaming you for my shortcomings. Because it's easier than trying to, you know, overcome them.
I'd like to take this opportunity to ask those of you on our Christmas card list to please keep in mind that the photo adorning your card was selected by The Boy. Because he is VERY VERY PROUD of the fact that he recently lost a tooth. Which explains his expression in the photo. And also? The top of Hublet's head was totally there when I looked at the online proofs. And that the misshapen lumpy thing that appears to be the left side of my hairdo is actually my folks' Christmas tree. I know it doesn't seem like it at first glance, but please do me the favor of looking more closely. I don't have a tumor, and was having only a moderately bad hair day. Finally, no, I don't know why Hublet appears to be leaning to the right. It was an awkward pose, and I'm thinking he might have been about to fall over. But I do love the way that Hublet's smile totally mirrors The Boy's, even though Hublet hasn't recently lost a tooth. If nothing else, you may want to keep this photo as irrevocable proof that I was merely a mode of transport for The Boy during his gestation, as he looks NOTHING like me.
Or maybe you can file it under "Failed familial experiments - why having Christmas card photos made two mornings after a bloat-inducing Thanksgiving dinner while hopped up on decongestants and trying to get ahead of the travel rush" is perhaps not my best idea ever.
I've been meaning to update all you kind folks on the state of the postcard project - The Boy's memory is getting a little better now that he knows to look out for random postcards addressed to him and his classmates.
He was especially impressed with "Texas Tom," because he came home and announced, "Mommy! I got a postcard today but I don't think it's from our family! It's from Texas!"
Because everyone knows Texas is way too exotic to hold any of our familial clan, I suppose. So to all of you who sent a card, rest assured it was received - thanks again.
I'm just hoping this gets The Boy a better education in American geography than the one I had, because my 5th grade teacher was teaching a 5th/6th grade combination class, and she was a 6th grade teacher by trade, which meant that the 5th graders kind of did their own thing for much of the year. And as you may expect, our "own thing" did not include learning the whereabouts of any of the states not located on the East coast. So my knowledge of my own country's geography has been along the lines of "If I've been there, I know where it is, and if I haven't been there, Google is my friend." Pitiful, I know. So I bought one of those U.S. Map puzzles in the hopes that if I go on the show about being smarter than a 5th grader and I get a geography question I'll be able to answer it...
But I digress. The Boy's class still has a few states to go, if anyone out there is willing to send a postcard - and according to my Uncle, who is traveling the Gulf states just now, it can actually be a bit of a problem to just FIND a postcard if you don't live in a touristy town. So I appreciate the effort. Here are the states:
Alabama, Arizona, Colorado, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Utah, West Virginia, Wyoming.
Email is bigarm at bigarmwoman dot com if you can help out.
He was especially impressed with "Texas Tom," because he came home and announced, "Mommy! I got a postcard today but I don't think it's from our family! It's from Texas!"
Because everyone knows Texas is way too exotic to hold any of our familial clan, I suppose. So to all of you who sent a card, rest assured it was received - thanks again.
I'm just hoping this gets The Boy a better education in American geography than the one I had, because my 5th grade teacher was teaching a 5th/6th grade combination class, and she was a 6th grade teacher by trade, which meant that the 5th graders kind of did their own thing for much of the year. And as you may expect, our "own thing" did not include learning the whereabouts of any of the states not located on the East coast. So my knowledge of my own country's geography has been along the lines of "If I've been there, I know where it is, and if I haven't been there, Google is my friend." Pitiful, I know. So I bought one of those U.S. Map puzzles in the hopes that if I go on the show about being smarter than a 5th grader and I get a geography question I'll be able to answer it...
But I digress. The Boy's class still has a few states to go, if anyone out there is willing to send a postcard - and according to my Uncle, who is traveling the Gulf states just now, it can actually be a bit of a problem to just FIND a postcard if you don't live in a touristy town. So I appreciate the effort. Here are the states:
Alabama, Arizona, Colorado, Indiana, Iowa, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, Ohio, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Utah, West Virginia, Wyoming.
Email is bigarm at bigarmwoman dot com if you can help out.
Yay! So now the pressure is off and The Boy can ask Santa for a Wii with impunity - and I will need to make sure The Boy doesn't read my blog for the next several years...
Or perhaps sooner, if this conversation is any indication:
Boy: Mommy, guess what?
Me: What?
Boy: Aaron doesn't believe in Santa Claus!
Me: Really?
Boy: Yeah!
Me: What do you think of that?
Boy: I think he's crazy. I believe in Santa Claus.
Me: Did you tell him that?
Boy: (shaking head and waving hands around) Oh, no! Aaron's really big. I don't ever tell him anything!
Sigh. Better make the most of these next couple of Christmases, I guess.
Or perhaps sooner, if this conversation is any indication:
Boy: Mommy, guess what?
Me: What?
Boy: Aaron doesn't believe in Santa Claus!
Me: Really?
Boy: Yeah!
Me: What do you think of that?
Boy: I think he's crazy. I believe in Santa Claus.
Me: Did you tell him that?
Boy: (shaking head and waving hands around) Oh, no! Aaron's really big. I don't ever tell him anything!
Sigh. Better make the most of these next couple of Christmases, I guess.
