How to Traumatize Your Child, One Meal at a Time
Step 1: Sit down to a somewhat rushed family dinner that's being consumed in the 20 minutes between arriving home and leaving for T-ball practice.
Step 2: Glance over to see child stuff a huge piece of chicken in his mouth and then go still.
Step 3: Panic, because you're convinced that child has huge piece of chicken lodged in his trachea.
Step 4: Yell, "ARE YOU ALL RIGHT!!?!?!?!?" directly in child's face.
Step 5: When child doesn't repsond with alacrity, whack him on the back 3 times as hard as you can, leap out of chair, yank child out of seat and prepare for Emergency Heimlich maneuver.
Step 6: Realize that child is not now, nor has ever been in danger of choking on chicken, AND that said child is now staring at you like you've lost your mind and become a crazed back-pounding child abuser. Which you kind of have, now that you think about it.
Step 7: Help child re-seat himself, sit down and say, "You just SCARED ME TO DEATH!" to child (and equally shocked and confused husband) by way of explanation.
Step 8: Ignore child's incredulous, "I was just a kid sitting here minding my own business, and suddenly mommy just WHACKS me on the back!" remark to husband.
Step 9: Finish supper, and go lie down until heart rate returns to normal.
Been there, done that, got the tee shirt, got the baffled & hurt looks, got the reputation for over-reaction. But one day it wasn't over-reaction. It was real - the traumatized four-year-old really was choking at age seven.
The Heimlich maneuver works just fine. I remained a hero until kidrock wanted to date, whereupon I became an idiot again.
Tom -
It doesn't help that choking is one of my biggest phobias, so I spend most of my time watching The Boy like a hawk when he eats.
If he makes it out of childhood without some sort of food-related mental disorder, it'll be a miracle.
BAW -
I raised five kids without fatalities, though we had a couple of near-disasters. They really are pretty hard to kill, and they recover fast. At The Boy's age, you could dissect him with a chain saw, throw the pieces into the same room, wait a few minutes, and the kid will get better.