Joy to the World

Or, why you won't be hearing much from me until, oh, sometime in 2008.  Let me summarize my weekend and the upcoming week for you:

• On Saturday we traveled to Camden for the annual "See Every Cousin I Have and Eat Way Too Much" festival, complete with tiny biological weapons referred to affectionately as "the third cousins of DOOOOOOMMMM!"
• Leave Camden with draining sinuses.  Thanks, tiny bioweapons! Return home, go to grocery store, do laundry, prepare Boy for school.
• Monday.  Already?  Need $3 gift for book exchange, endure Official Holiday Luncheon Festival where the Vice Chancellor exhorted us to "engage in socialization and fellowship"-- those were his exact words.  I think the new VC is a bit of a weirdo. Prepare List O' Crap For Hublet to Accomplish, leave work early, fetch Boy, make dinner, make sausage balls, wrap $3 gift, contact Room Mom to be sure that Hublet can attend First Grade Christmas party on Wed., ignore eleventy-million phone messages from woman attempting to sell me Galvanic Facial Mechanism that Electrocutes The Wrinkles RIGHT OFF!
• Drainage has progressed to full-on cold.  Sudafed, Allerplex, Flonase, Alka-Seltzer - what the hell, I'll take all of them, because...
• Tuesday.  Have to work.  Have to go on Super Top Secret Mission For Dad at lunch, plus stop by Barnes and Noble b/c Boy had a fit over stuffed Knuffle Bunny that I gifted to Feral Girl's darling child, so okay, stocking! Plus, it's just occurred to me that I forgot two people on my list and I need a couple of "just in case" gifts. Also, tonight is dress rehearsal for churchy thing that I have to help narrate - did I mention the drainage?  It's going to sound like Kim Carnes on helium, if this continues.  So Hublet and Boy will have to meet me at church tonight, Boy will get to bed late, and I STILL haven't wrapped presents or cleared out the Staging Area (guest room) in preparation for family.  Must finish addressing cards.  And must wrap gifts for teachers.
• Wednesday.  Dear God.  Church thing will eat my life.  Hublet will bring Boy to church after First Grade Christmas thingy. Must mail cards.  You know, the scary photo cards that will probably only succeed in alienating everyone who gets one?  Yeah.  Those.  I'll let you know if any friends schedule an intervention in their wake...also - CLUTTER!  DAMMIT! 
• Thursday.  Do lunch with Feral Girl.  Contemplate making it a liquid lunch. Must make more sausage balls.  Also - laundry, gift wrapping, make big ol' list of groceries for Hublet to fetch, and put all the Goodwill donations that we HAVE TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE SO WE'LL HAVE ROOM FOR FAMILY AT CHRISTMAS into some semblance of order.  Also, must relocate certain presents, since Boy will be sleeping in our room on the blow-up bed which he may now be too big for, but oh well, I didn't get a chance to get to Target to buy a bigger one and at this point as long as the kid doesn't have to spend the night on the front porch I'm going to call it good. I'm fairly certain that I STILL will not have wrapped a single gift.
• Friday.  Departmental lunch.  This should actually be fun. Boy and Hublet will go to a basketball game.  I will run around like a crazy person disinfecting the house, because probably at this point the drainage/cold will have evolved into a full-blown sinus infection and I will NOT be responsible for wiping out my entire family.  Also, a quick stop by the Doc-in-a-box for antibiotics might be in order.  I wonder if I can just skip it and tell them to shoot some penicillin directly into my butt?
• Saturday.  Ya know, I wanted to make some food for Christmas.  Wonder if I'll have time to do that between the cleaning, disinfecting, ordering Hublet hither and yon and WRAPPING THE STUPID PRESENTS!  I really hate wrapping gifts.  Mostly I buy bags and cram some tissue paper on top.  It's free stuff, people.  Deal with the appearance. Seriously.
• Sunday.  Family arrives.  I think we'll go out to eat.  I have stocked up on beer, wine, and the fixings for Irish coffee.  I, at least, will relax.
• Monday. I will relocate to the kitchen for about 80% of the day. There will be a crock pot full of chili involved, as well as a breakfast casserole for the next day.  And did I mention the beer?
• Tuesday.  Fun!  Then I'll make enough food to feed 900 people!  Then the family will leave and we'll all relax for about 8 hours, until...
• Wednesday.  Pack and drive to parents' home.  Spend night.
• Thursday.  Drive to Asheville.  Visit people.  Do more Christmas with in-laws.
• Friday.  Lather, rinse, repeat.
• Saturday.  Marathon drive home, with brief stopover in Winston for lunch/nap before heading back Raleighward.  Unpack.
• Sunday.  DEAL WITH CLUTTER!  At least I won't have to wrap any gifts.
• Monday.  Hunker down and pray for the year to end quickly.