November 06, 2006

Worth 1,000 Words

We got The Boy's first school picture back on Friday.

Jesus.

Okay, I was prepared for a not-so-great photo, you know, along the lines of "Oh, aren't you cute being so goofy looking in that picture!"

I was not prepared for what I got. See, you have to pay for the pictures BEFORE they're taken now, and pick the pose you want to see your child in. I chose a casual, crossed arms pose that would show the design on the front of the sweater he was wearing, and made sure his hair was short enough for it to be difficult to mess up.

Hindsight is 20-20. Apparently they armed every 5 year old with a comb immediately prior to the photo, which means that The Boy had ample time to plaster his hair crookedly down onto his forehead. The crossed-arms pose was beyond his comprehension, as he is clutching himself like a demented rapper, which has the added bonus of completely obscuring the design on his sweater.

The sweater, by the way, is dark blue. He was photographed on a blue background. In his photo, he looks like a giant floating albino head to which someone has stapled a moth-eaten cat pelt as "hair."

And his "smile?" I hestitate to call the crazed rictus formed by his mouth a smile. He expression resembles what I think it would look like if the Boogeyman had jumped out from behind the camera, eaten the photographer and screamed "SAY CHEESE!!!" at him before snapping the photo.

So the end result: giant floating albino head with cat-pelt hair and rictus of terror, photographed through a vaseline-smeared "soft-focus" lens.

There are reshoots on Thursday. I'm thinking I'll just call Sears.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at November 6, 2006 02:32 PM
Comments

BAW, you KNOW you need to buy those pictures, if only to threaten exposure to Master Boy's future girlfriends.

Posted by: Michael Tinkler at November 6, 2006 09:11 PM

That is why I no longer do the pre-paid school pictures. My eldest always has a bizarre expression and his younger brother, who normally has crly hair, has his hair fimly plastered down and straight.

Posted by: Sarah G. at November 7, 2006 12:45 AM

You can, you know, buy a camera.


Posted by: Ron Hardin at November 7, 2006 05:59 AM
You can, you know, buy a camera.
No, no! That way lies madness. First it's a camera. Then a better camera. Then better lenses. Photo editing software. A nice flash. Photo websites. Stalking the children with imaging equipment until they run in fear at the sound of a shutter release. Don't open that door! Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at November 7, 2006 10:50 AM

I just carry my little Sony P93 when I go out with the dog. That way both the dog and I have something to do. Eschew flash entirely, all you get is red-eye.

So, in a year, I have 2,000 pictures on the web, sort of a simple entertainment for me http://home.att.net/~rhhardin/annie.html http://home.att.net/~rhhardin/vicki.html

You come in, run the photos into the Dell laptop, run Irfanview (free!) to select and crop the ones you want, run a script and they add themselves to a web page.

No hard copy involved, no new equipment. I don't think anybody else cares particularly, but I like it.

I'm sure the same thing works with kids, just point and shoot as he does whatever he does when you'd otherwise be obliged to stand watching him.

Get a camera that uses AA batteries so you can replace them when they run down without charging anything.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at November 7, 2006 11:11 AM

ahahahaaa

thanks!

Posted by: mark m at November 14, 2006 09:16 AM