March 01, 2006

How? Just, How?

Dear Possibly Crazy Young Celebrity Chicks of Hollywood,

How is it not possible to realize that you're walking around with your breastesees hanging out during a photo op? Seriously, how?

I mean, okay, if you're Tara Reid then you're probably too drunk to feel the liberating breeze on your parts, or maybe you're just so used to being topless that having clothing ON is a bizarre change in sensation, but I don't think Lindsay Lohan is Tara Reid--for one thing, drinking involves ingesting calories, and it's obvious that Lindsay has been on a boycott of those for a while.

Is it the cocaine? The amphetamines? General mental decline? Does breast augmentation surgery desensitize those puppies so much that you can't actually feel the sudden blast of cold air?

I understand the need to be fashion forward if you're young and hot and trying to get movie roles that don't feature a volkswagon bug, but can't you at least get your stylist to use a little adhesive, Miss America style? 'Cause if I wanted to see nipples, I'd just buy the latest issue of MAXIM or something.


Posted by Big Arm Woman at March 1, 2006 02:19 PM

Sadly, they don't show nipples in Maxim. (Well, not that sadly, since all their women there look weird and far too damp.)

Well, at least not directly. Through some thin cloth, maybe, but you've been able to see that at the Oscars for years.

Posted by: Sigivald at March 1, 2006 03:35 PM

It's an asset used to get stuff you want, like always.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at March 1, 2006 06:53 PM

First off, didn't Disney end up digitally dehancing Lohan's curves? So flaunting doesn't seem a good career move.

Also, what happened to her face? That's sad.

On the other hand, I can say that many women are (to my undying gratitude) frequently unaware of how visible their curves are. Also, as an amateur photographer, I will say that frequently the camera captures things that you never see, so it's possible that the dress flapped out and back and we only know because someone got lucky with the shutter button.

Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at March 2, 2006 05:28 PM