February 27, 2006

Salt, Cold Water, and Shout

With these three ingredients, you can Conquer the World!

Or, at least you can get the bloodstains out of your child's pillowcase, pillow, comforter, sheets, and pajamas.

The Boy suffers from nosebleeds, courtesy of his maternal grandmother. No, she doesn't punch him, but it's her DNA that's giving him this little problem, as she was a nosebleedin' fool throughout her childhood.

Me? I had one nosebleed in 7th grade during English class, and that's been it. Yes, it was traumatic. Junior high is not the place to be different, and projectile bleeding during The Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner tends to make a person stand out from the crowd. So I didn't get the nosebleed gene, unless it only fired once. I'm thinking I just had a really bad visceral reaction to Coleridge. He's still not my favorite.

So Sunday morning at 5:59 a.m. I am awakened by "Mommy!" I hop out of bed and cross the hall. "My nose is bleeding," says The Boy, so I grab a tissue from the bathroom and go to his side. It's dark, so I don't realize how MUCH his nose is bleeding until I sit on his bed and look at his hands.

Total Carrie moment. However, I manage not to freak out, he manages not to freak out, and after about 15 minutes of pressure, and 8 or 9 more soaked tissues, the bleeding stops. I was frankly surprised that local predators weren't drawn to our home by the scent of fresh blood. It was kind of a lot.

That's followed by the cleaning. Lots of cleaning.

The next time it happens, I'm calling my mother to come do laundry. Her genes, her fault.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at February 27, 2006 10:52 AM

Stanley Cavell has the Ancient Mariner as an experience of reading Immanuel Kant, somewhere in an old issue of _Raritan_.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at February 27, 2006 03:26 PM

My brother had the nose bleed gene until his late teens. Just random blood gushing. Like you, I have only had one nose bleed, and that when I was 15 or so. Woke up one morning, casually wiped across my nose on the way to the bathroom to shower (not turning on a light the whole way). Then, when finally looking down saw blood all over my hand. My pillow was a mess too. But besides regularily performing my one man shows, "Catching A Basketball With My Face: One Man's Exposing Of The Artificiality Of Presumed Innate Power Structures" and "Elbow To The Nose: The Underpinnings Of The Gender Wars", my nose blood has stayed where it belongs.

Posted by: marc at February 28, 2006 10:25 AM