January 13, 2006

Brief Pop Culture Digression

Why did they make a sequel to Underworld? Why? WHY? Was it because they figured that so few people had seen the first one that maybe they could pretend that THIS movie was the first one? Because if you've seen the first Underworld, there's just no way. I mean...2 hours of fetish wear and languid vampires and torturing a piece of befuddled beefcake just wasn't compelling enough to scream sequel, you know?

But hopefully you don't know, because that means your retinas were spared the first movie.

On a related note, I was reading an article about King Kong today, and how even though it's grossed $500 million so far, people are still calling it a disappointment, because apparently Hollywood thought ONE movie could singlehandedly save them from the ticket slump. Then they went and got all introspective about what went wrong, and completely missed the point, again.

It wasn't the fact that the main character was CGI. It wasn't too much hype. It wasn't the marketing department, period, people! The problem is that you seem to think that the marketing department is somehow magically responsible for making people go to the movies. NO! NO! A WORLD OF NO!

Moviemakers are responsible for that, by making movies that people actually want to see! Apparently, said moviemakers haven't been holding up their end of the deal lately.

Nowadays when I go to a movie and sit through the previews, I have a mental category list that I sort them into:

  1. Oh, hell no.

  2. Netflix and don't tell anyone.

  3. Netflix and be proud, because it looks decent but it's just a dang hassle to get to a movie.

  4. Will suffer through it for my kid--maybe.

  5. Am curious and will call up a girlfriend to go with me.

  6. Must. See. Now!

The majority of the previews I sat through in my Christmas movie forays fell into the "Oh, hell no" or "Netflix to my secret shame" categories. And this is bad because studios start hyping the big summer releases during Christmas, which means that this summer's selection will likely suck.

And that bums me out, because I actually enjoy big summer stuff blowing up in the dark or goofy people making me laugh movies, and I like my fall selection of smaller, darker films.

Surely someone out there can put down the heavy mantle of "I must share the TRUTH with the world!" long enough to make a movie that doesn't preach, pander or preen.

But I'm not holding my breath.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at January 13, 2006 01:59 PM

I can think of a use for films like Underworld, though. Sound off, video on, at a party.

Eye-candy, like.

Posted by: Sigivald at January 13, 2006 03:35 PM

Unfortunately, my retinas weren't spared this movie. And actually - [DONTTELLANYONE] I thought it wasn't half bad. [/DONTTELLANYONE] Of course I had to turn off just about all of my logic sensors, but that's the way it is with most movies these days, even ones that don't feature a war between vampires and werewolves.

And -- Sekret Confession Time -- I kind of liked Van Helsing (in the cheesy gorgeous-goth-special-effects subgenre). However, I haven't been able to sit though The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. I just can't, even though it _looks_ great. I think the character of Mina bothers me the most. "Dracula" is one of my favorite novels, and I keep wondering where her husband is.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at January 14, 2006 09:46 AM

I did the "Netflix VanHelsing to my secret shame" thing, and it was fine, although the plot holes were amusing. However, I would watch Hugh Jackman watching paint dry, so that might have explained it.

And skip "League." Actually saw that in the theatre, and it was just too much crap packed into one movie to be coherent, plus I just kept thinking "Look! It's Nikita!" whenever Mina was on.

Posted by: BAW at January 14, 2006 09:19 PM

I actually have a couple of degrees below your "1. Hell, no" viz.:

0. Would see only if you paid me money.

-1. Would see only if you held a gun to my head.

Posted by: F451 at January 17, 2006 11:49 AM

I think I've mentioned this before, but I'm not above repeats. I caught the end of the "League" when over at a friend's place. About the only thing that stuck out to me was at the end scene between Nikita and the Pretty Boy, her hair kept switching from curly to straightened. I assumed it was some magic vampire power.

Posted by: marc at January 17, 2006 12:26 PM

Super post - super blog - congratulations

Posted by: Adammo at January 23, 2006 06:51 AM