December 30, 2005

And in other news, I suck at Candyland

All things considered, this has been a great Christmas. I mean, sure, we had to deal with the whole "drag the four-year-old all over North and South Carolina and create draconian gift-giving guidelines for our relatives while pretending to like congealed orange gelatin salad with (gag) Cool Whip topping and then rush home, clean like a maniac and collapse after too many Irish coffees on Christmas Eve and then cook like a fiend on Christmas Day and then wonder where the hell the past two months have gone, exactly, and ohmyGod are those WRINKLES on my FOREHEAD and more gray hairs and I'm getting old and one day my Boy will leave and I will grow old and feeble and die! die! die!" thing, but aside from that I had a pretty good time, enjoyed (mostly) my relatives, survived the Christmas Eve "family" church service and got gifts that I like.

Well, except that the track suit I got turned out to have low rise pants, which--hello? You cannot actually jog or do yoga in those unless you just LIKE sharing your buttocks with random passersby, but you do look tres spiffy if your definition of "exercise" includes a pedicure and a leisurely saunter to the hairdresser. Which, okay, I could live with that, and besides I run at night and maybe the reflection of headlights off of my scary pale butt-flesh could save me from being hit by a car...but maybe I'm overthinking this and should just see if a few well-placed safety pins might solve the problem.

And I am loving Gun, because in what other game can you run a side quest called "Save the Whore!" where the quest's title text--Save The Whore!--appears across the top of the screen for the duration of the quest and a helpful health bar labeled "whore" lets you know exactly how much saving she needs? And then when you rush into the saloon and kill the bad guys she gets all snarky and wanders off. Fun, fun game.

I am not loving Candyland quite so much, however, mainly because I cannot win at the damn thing, and it's getting annoying. I mean, all I'm doing is drawing cards, okay? There's no strategy involved! And I cannot win! My constant Candyland humiliation is only compounded by the Boy's "poor mommy" hugs. But I persevere, and at least he's getting a role model for losing graciously out of it. Well, mostly graciously. I haven't set the board on fire or anything--yet. At least it's not Chutes and Ladders, the longest, dumbest, most irritating children's game ever invented.

Enjoy the New Year, everyone!

Posted by Big Arm Woman at December 30, 2005 11:26 AM

Annie got a Christmas Mallard

I got to see her carrying it everywhere for three days, the new stuffed animal appreciation interval.

The chair has survived two generations of puppies. You can see the computer from it, and the street out front.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at December 30, 2005 12:47 PM

I used to cheat at Candyland when I was little. I would wait until we had a babysitter, and then I would stack the deck to ensure that I got all the good cards, which usually led to me winning the entire game within three draws. I was always gracious and allowed the visiting idiot (or babysitter, as my Mom liked to call them) to go first. Somehow they never caught on.

I think this led to some serious emotional issues, as I am now the worst loser you will ever meet. Seriously, never play Candyland with me.

Posted by: Miss M at December 30, 2005 12:55 PM

I'm glad I got used to losing gracefully to my older son (17 yo) when he was little because he now regularly beats me at most strategy games (except Quoridor - which I love). I still seem to win more at Sorry (some strategy, but not much) though.

I'd actually rather lose when playing with my younger son (6 yo)- he takes losing very seriously!

Posted by: MLight at December 30, 2005 04:49 PM

I lost a round of "Sorry", the "Madagascar" version, just yesterday. But Santa also delivered "Battleship", so the kids should be very afraid.

Posted by: Belle at December 31, 2005 02:57 PM

Nasty gelatin salad with cool whip topping makes dry but family tradition pound cake moister and more edible.

It might do the same for something else you have to eat.

Posted by: Suzi at January 1, 2006 12:58 AM

Oh yeah, stacking the Candyland deck-- Frst: Queen Frostine, then double purple, double purple-- 3 cards -- I WIN!!

Posted by: Mark at January 3, 2006 01:42 PM

I thought the same thing about chutes & ladders until a dad with a five year old girl said "it's clear to me that you've never played 'Pretty Pretty Princess.'"

I had to agree with him just on the name alone.

Posted by: anonymous at January 6, 2006 09:31 AM