December 26, 2005

Metaphysical Hoo-Ha at the Chick Fil-A

Hope everyone had a good weekend--me, I'm feeling fat and sassy, and counting the minutes until The Boy goes to bed so that I can play Gun, in which I blow the heads off of lots of people in the old west. Yippee Ki Yay and all that stuff.

Plus, if The Boy's in bed it means he can't make loud announcements in which he calls the Son of God a cannibal like he did in the local Chick-Fil-A this afternoon:

Boy: The baby Jesus can only be held by Mary and Joseph, right? None of the other people can hold him.

Me: Well, I don't guess anyone else would hold him.

Boy: Right, because if they got too close he would suck them up.

Me: Suck them up?

Boy: And eat them.

Me: Son, the baby Jesus wouldn't eat people. He's Jesus. And a baby!

Boy: But he's magic, and magic babies can eat people all up!

Me: No, Jesus was just a regular baby--like that one over there, see? Is that baby eating anyone?

Boy: No. But baby Jesus could.

Me: But he couldn't. And even if he could, he wouldn't. He's a good guy!

Boy: But no one else could hold him. Only Mary and Joseph.

Me: Fine. Are you ready to go?

Boy: No. How did Jesus grow up to a man?

Me: The normal way. It took a long time. You sure you aren't finished?

Boy: No. Mommy, are you laughing?

Me: It's better than crying, son.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at December 26, 2005 07:08 PM

If it's any consolation, being eaten by a magical baby Jesus is not a particularly painful death....

Posted by: Jimmy at December 26, 2005 10:00 PM

Jimmy, you're a quick one - but then, I already knew that, didn't I?

Posted by: Husband of BAW at December 26, 2005 11:00 PM

When you think about it, though, it's only fair... how many people have taken communion in the last two thousand years?

Posted by: PersonFromPorlock at December 27, 2005 02:04 PM

An overheard exchange from the household.

Lulabelle (age 5): I love Jesus.

Esmerelda(age 3): Why do you do that? Why do you like him? He's a boy.

Lulabelle: He made everything. He made us all.

Esmerelda: Then we must be robots.

Posted by: fenster moop at December 27, 2005 02:23 PM

TIM: There he is!
ARTHUR: Where?
TIM: There!
ARTHUR: What, behind the baby?
TIM: It is the baby!
ARTHUR: You silly sod! You got us all worked up!
TIM: Well, that's no ordinary baby. That's the most magical baby Jesus you ever set eyes on.
ROBIN: You tit! I soiled my armor I was so scared!
TIM: Look, that baby's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it'll suck you right up!
GALAHAD: Get stuffed!
TIM: It'll do you up a treat, mate!
GALAHAD: Oh, yeah?
ROBIN: You manky Scot's git!
TIM: I'm warning you!
ROBIN: What's he do, nibble your bum?
TIM: He's got huge, sharp -- he can leap about -- look at the bones!
ARTHUR: Go on, Bors. Chop his head off!
BORS: Right! Silly little bleeder. One baby comin' right up!
TIM: Look!
BORS: Aaaugh!
ARTHUR: Jesus Christ!
TIM: I warned you!

Posted by: Paulman at December 27, 2005 02:56 PM

That is a great one!
Thanks for posting that. I am going to send it to my sister.

Posted by: Amy Mine at December 27, 2005 05:52 PM