December 15, 2005

In which I express concern that my son is a perv

First, apologies for the spotty bloggage. Our department has recently relocated to a spiffy new building (only 7 months behind schedule--thank you, state bidding process!), there is daycare drama out the ying-yang in which I have become embroiled, and I've preferred to spend my daily downtime doing Sudoku puzzles, rather than reading news or tearing my hair out about academe. Blah, blah, blah, beat me with a wet noodle-cakes.

And now on to the most pressing concern of the day; namely, that my son will end up as one of those raincoat and black sock clad weirdos flashing his wiener at hapless passerby.

Well, I'm not really concerned about that. But the public embarrassment factor did get ratcheted up a notch in our recent visit to Suncoast video.

The Boy loves that store, because he can recognize the movies and exclaim loudly:

"Look mommy! Batman! I can't watch it until I'm growed up and turn five!" (disclaimer--he won't watch it at five, either, but he seems to associate adulthood with kindergarten, and frankly I don't think he's mistaken about that)

Or, "Ooh! Star Wars shirts!"

This particular store had a promotional cutout for the Fantastic 4 movie, in which the aforementioned 4 are all striking ass-kicking poses around the display. The toothsome Jessica Alba was featured front and center, doing some weird kind of J-Lo meets Tae Bo bodily contortion which made her butt stick out.

I was in line to make a purchase when I heard Hublet say, "C'mon, son, let's go." When I finished my transaction, Hublet looked at me and shook his head, saying, "You won't believe what he did."


"I looked over and he was rubbing his hand over Jessica Alba's behind, saying 'I like her!'"


"It's embarrassing!"

"Double hee."

"Our four-year-old is a pervert!"

"No, our four-year-old is male. Tell me you wouldn't fondle some Alba behind if you had the chance!"

"I plead the fifth."

"And I say again, hee."

Posted by Big Arm Woman at December 15, 2005 10:28 AM

Those neurons are only hooked up in males from around age 12-85. He's imitating some adult he saw.

Karen L. Kleinfelder, in _The Artist, His Model, Her Image, His Gaze_ on Picasso's late porn period, remarked that one day his obsession with it just stopped, as if he had finally resolved some question. She felt he had come to terms with his mortality.

Ha. That neuron stopped firing.

National Lampoon in the 70s had a series of covers for specialty magazines, _Guns and Sandwiches_, _Tom Thumb_ (the magazine for men with tiny dinks), and _Piddle_ (child's sex magazine), being the ones I remember.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at December 15, 2005 12:36 PM

My own 4-year-old son's favorite member of the F4 is Ben Grimm, but apparently only because Grimm can lift large, heavy objects (like, perhaps, Alba's behind, but I digress). No stroking of derrieres appears to have been involved.

Posted by: Lex at December 15, 2005 02:03 PM

Trust me on this: at four, the kid has no idea. But oh, he will!

Posted by: PersonFromPorlock at December 15, 2005 04:49 PM