December 12, 2005

I want my tacky, shiny Christmas!

I have to admit, I am decidedly lowbrow when it comes to Christmas decor. Sure, I can appreciate the homes that had an army of landscapers on ladders painstakingly tracing every branch of their 150 year-old oak tree with lights and importing German firs for use in the door wreaths, but while that stuff is pretty to look at, it doesn't stir my heart the way overdone, haphazard redneck decor does.

I love driving by homes that sport an army of inflatable characters on the lawn, with blinking mismatched lights clumsily strung onto any available surface. I appreciate the effort involved in getting those plastic reindeer and sleigh to balance on a rooftop, and I can even tolerate the "turn your garage door into a billboard with the amazing message projector" doo-dad, even though I secretly feel like that's taking the easy way out.

So I've gotta tell you that I'm a little disappointed in my rural county this year, because so far there's been a dearth of redneck chic, and far too much tasteful festooning of porches with garland, ribbon, and white lights. I plead guilty to the latter, but in my defense just let me say that I left a dead shrubbery smack dab in the middle of the front of the house so that it would look balanced when I put the light nets across the hedges. And we do have a multicolored lighted train in the front yard, with a blinking animated steam cloud. The Boy loves that train. So I am trying to pull my weight.

But the final straw came last week, when The Boy and I were headed home. We were stopped at the last light before our street, when I looked to the left and saw, alone and forlorn on a front porch devoid of any other light or decoration, a lighted palm tree. That was it. Just one lighted palm tree, and nary a sign of either a cleverly ironic motif or the homeowner's Hawaiian heritage.

Now that's just laziness, people. If the folks in question had decided that Christmas really meant pink flamingos, palm trees and a Tiki party, and had gone all out, I could have appreciated that. But one sad little lighted palm tree, all alone? It made me weep for the lost opportunity.

I pointed it out to The Boy, who stared for a minute and then said, "That lady shouldn't have a sad palm tree light on her porch!"

Indeed, son.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at December 12, 2005 09:23 AM

I'm waiting for inflatable Easter figures.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at December 13, 2005 03:35 AM

Yes! The dead shrub as light bearer! I have several of those. It delays the whole yardwork thing for months.

Posted by: Kim at December 13, 2005 07:19 PM