November 26, 2005

Thanksgiving Pop Culture Update

So, I got to see two movies over Thanksgiving--Walk the Line and Goblet of Fire. Super brief synopsis: Johnny Cash - yay!; Harry Potter - eh. The latter kind of surprised me, especially as I felt myself getting irritated at Voldemort mincing about the graveyard like a great undead pansy. Don't get me wrong--I love Ralph Fiennes, but for some reason I wasn't so much afraid of the menacing evil as I was rolling my eyes at his incessant cape swirling and going, "Oh, please. Drama much?" And while I realize that they were condensing a 700-odd page book into 2 1/2 hours, the movie was still too long. Yes, the dragons were cool. But did the chase scene HAVE to resemble 2Fast2Furious on a broomstick? And go on for, what, a year?

And characterization, which had to take a backseat to all the crap that happens in book 4, suffered horribly. Ah well. Goblet of Fire is really my least favorite of the series so far, so that may have a bit to do with it.

But that is neither here nor there--what I really wanted to mention was the long, torturous gauntlet of previews for movies that, let's see...will suck like a nuclear powered hoover.

Did you know that Woody Allen has a new movie coming out? And that it's actually just a compendium of three movies that have already been done before, one of them by Woody Allen? Well, he does! Try not to wet yourself in anticipation for his upcoming End of the Affair/Fatal Attraction/Crimes and Misdemeanors movie called--I forget, because I was too busy trying to calculate Pi to the 100th decimal to fend off death by boredom. It has English Accents! And Unhinged Women! And a Murder Mystery! Woo! Note to Woody: I think that by 2005 it's safe to say that we've left no stone of your sexual peccadilloes unturned via your moviemaking. Please stop. It's just embarrassing.

Speaking of sexual peccadilloes, the Gay Cowboy Movie preview managed to do to our theatre what no movie I've ever attended before did--make over 100 people cringe palpably. It was hilarious. Note to Hollywood PTB--don't put the preview for Brokeback Mountain in front of a movie about a country singer who found Jesus and turned his life around. Gay Cowboy Movies are kind of a niche market, your leather and rawhide fetishes notwithstanding.

And speaking of Jesus--what the HELL is up with the Superman preview? Somewhere in space, Jar-El voiceovers about sending his only son to save humanity. Literally, he says, "So I will send you, my only son, to save them." Who knew that Jesus wore tights? I didn't. And also, hubris much? Dude. Green ROCKS can kick your ass.

King Kong will probably be excellent and I will not go to see it because the story just pisses me off too much for me to enjoy the Peter Jackson artistry. When they make one where Kong doesn't die, give me a call. I HATE dead animal movies, a result of being scarred for life at age 7 by Old Yeller. GAH!

Hope your Turkey Days were excellent!

Posted by Big Arm Woman at November 26, 2005 07:36 PM

When they make one where Kong doesn't die, give me a call.

I thought it was just me.

Posted by: Michael at November 26, 2005 10:36 PM

"I HATE dead animal movies, a result of being scarred for life at age 7 by Old Yeller."

I actually didn't think it was just me.

My daughter and I started naming all the coming-of-age why'd-my-pet-have-to-die stories once. Old Yeller. The Yearling. The Red Pony. Where the Red Fern Grows. Then there was Bridge to Terabithia, which took this theme to a whole 'nother level. Yuck.

Posted by: Laura at November 26, 2005 11:48 PM

Oh, gracious. You must give GOF a break. It was my least favorite book as well...but I think the movie lent a new sinisterness to the story and while it was too long (they are always too long) there was a nice buildup of melancholy sweetness at the end - youth is over, summer's coming, we'll not all be together forever.

And I thought Ralph was delicious. He was in human form for the first time! He was feeling his skin and loving the new contours. As I think the Times put it, best performance without a nose that I can think of!

I do agree with you on one major point: not a good idea to put the Brokeback Mountain preview before Walk the Line. Still, I can't wait to see Jakey and Heathy have some forbidden man love! I might just get my husband to go to see that Rachel McAdams, isn't she in it?

Posted by: Belle at November 28, 2005 08:42 AM

My only claim to aesthetic respectability is that even as a teen in the 1950s, I sensed there was something unhealthily sweet and folksy about Disney movies and avoided Old Yaller (amongst others).

Oh -- and a little later, realized that Woody Allen was Clever and avoided him, too.

Posted by: PersonFromPorlock at November 28, 2005 12:55 PM

Thought Walk the Line was okay, but the four-minute video of "Hurt" speaks volumes more about the original MIB than two hours of Reese and Joaquin playing dress-up. Scroll down and you can see it here:

Posted by: Brad K. at November 29, 2005 10:44 PM

Oh Brad, I do love that video but it almost "hurts" to watch it, you know? I actually made my parents and inlaws watch it, is an intense look into aging, pain, fading celebrity.

Posted by: Belle at December 1, 2005 08:40 AM