October 20, 2005

Quote of the day

From the never hysterical Mark Moford, concerning an Arkansas couple who have just had their 16th child:

Perhaps this the scariest aspect of our squishy birthin' tale: Maybe the scales are tipping to the neoconservative, homogenous right in our culture simply because they tend not to give much of a damn for the ramifications of wanton breeding and environmental destruction and pious sanctimony, whereas those on the left actually seem to give a whit for the health of the planet and the dire effects of overpopulation. Is that an oversimplification?

Yep. It's also breathtakingly sanctimonious and smacks of paranoia. But whatever leaves 'em laughing, right?

You don't have to read the whole thing. Here's a summary:
"Oh dear God--although I'm using that ironically because, really, who believes THAT nonsense anymore--people who don't think EXACTLY LIKE ME are breeeeeeeeeeeeding! How declasse'!"

If I had Xanax I'd send him a case.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at October 20, 2005 03:29 PM

.....he's still being published? By the bloody, black smoldering golfball eyes of Rumsfeld I thought he'd been let go. Oh well, as he'd say: dildo drugs seeking the animist truth through smokey stacks of OIL burning midst the lacey papyrus truth written and written by scarfed sages.

Posted by: marc at October 20, 2005 03:36 PM

I don't mind if they have 16 kids -- it's their choice, of course. I just feel badly for the children. There were probably three kids I grew up with whose families had eight or nine kids each, and the oldest kids were always surrogate parents, and really just wanted to have the childhood they were supplying to their younger siblings. That, and to be more than another pair of convenient hands for their completely harried parents. Maybe these people do better, but sixteen kids seems like a lot of people to which you would be attempting to pay adequate attention on a daily basis.

Posted by: Nikki at October 20, 2005 04:04 PM

I think those were glittering black golfball eyes.

Drug-, sex-, rock-n-roll-, or insanity-induced hysteria aside, this is pretty much the same idea James Taranto is pushing with his whole "Roe effect" series: Conservatives believe in having more kids, so more people will be conservative in the future. Crucial to this conclusion is the notion that children generally have the same sets of ideals that their parents have.

From this I deduce that Taranto doesn't have any kids.

Posted by: Angie Schultz at October 20, 2005 04:23 PM

I think Ken Summers pretty muched summed up Morford perfectly - he writes like a turnip on acid. What a self-righteous jerk-off.

Posted by: Emily at October 20, 2005 04:46 PM

One can argue that ginormous, huge families are quite the consuming organism and that environmental concerns haven't gone into this particular family's planning. I just don't like the way the author does it. He seems awfully worried about people he will probably never meet or be affected by.

As for the midwestern angle...has he been to the South lately? I've said it many times: three is the new two when it comes to families in my neighborhood.

Posted by: Belle at October 20, 2005 05:46 PM

From what I understand, we aren't replacing ourselves. If our population isn't to decline in the near future, it will be because of immigration. So have those babies, people. (Not that there's anything wrong with immigration.)

Posted by: Laura at October 20, 2005 06:59 PM

Well and there's the obvious comment--these people are in the news because what they've done is NOT the norm, nor will it become the norm.

Chicken Little syndrome, mountains out of molehills, columnist out of ideas and on a deadline--all are equally valid explanations for this tripe.

Posted by: BAW at October 20, 2005 09:01 PM

Anyone who's bothered to do any research knows that we aren't overpopulated, aren't going to be overpopulated, and that the #1 threat we'll face in the coming centuries is how to convince enough people to have enough kids.

But I wouldn't expect logic to work on people like that.

Posted by: Dean Esmay at October 20, 2005 11:51 PM

Ah, yes, Angie. You are right. They were "glittering" eyes. Luckily, I'm quite out of practice with my Morfordisms.

Posted by: marc at October 20, 2005 11:52 PM

marc & Angie--

This Rumsfeld black golfball eyes thing has me intrigued. The visual images in my mind are right out of a sci-fi movie.

...but I can't seem to find the exact quote or context on the Internet. All I find is this from: http://spleenville.com/journal/archives/000789.php

"Screw it all, says Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, his black eyes gleaming like the devil's own golf balls."

Andrea Harris's commentary is priceless:

"Mark Morford, whose writing sucks the chrome off the tailpipe of a city bus, has a sweet paying gig at a major newspaper. Man, even I couldn't write anything as bad as [the quote above]

Do golfballs gleam? The Devil plays golf? The hell? Just pocket that paycheck, Moanford. Oh, and it's nice that you are so certain that Saddam Hussein is no threat to the US, he's just a minor thug, so let's just leave the Iraqi people under his boot -- at least they won't be dirtied up by nasssty Americans tromping all over their country! Mark Morford: hypocrite, thug-worshipper, creep."

Say, don't we have an Andrea Harris around here?

Posted by: snopercod at October 22, 2005 08:07 PM

Yep, the San Francisco Chronicle is down to one classical-music critic and zero dance critics (they are attempting to cover a region home to several major ballet companies entirely with stringers), and yet they find room to print Morford's column twice a week. It's, well, pathetic. And worse yet, they've been running letters cheering Morford on ever since they started running him in the print version a couple months ago (formerly he was just on the associated www.sfgate.com) — cleverly "balanced," naturally, against the most poorly-composed (and furthest-right) anti-Morford mail they receive. There do exist people who enjoy reading this idiot, I'm afraid. I hope I don't know any of them, but it's not impossible.

Posted by: Michelle Dulak Thomson at October 23, 2005 01:56 PM


There was a brief time when quoting and making fun of Morford was a bit o' the rage amongst some sites...then it got too easy. I know I did it because his writing reminded me of me if I actually thought I was really clever and creative. I did a look myself and saw that I quoted the "gleaming...devil's own golfballs" section and commented that if I ever wrote something like that in seriousness, someone had to shoot me.

Posted by: marc at October 24, 2005 03:56 PM