June 30, 2005

Exclusive!

Today we have an exclusive--an insight into the inner workings of academe as it pertains to handling unfortunately outspoken members of the professoriate. Yes, I have managed to get my hands on a series of memos from Colorado that discuss the latest wackiness from everyone's "favorite" "Native American" "professor," Ward Churchill. Read and be enlightened...

Memo

From: Interim Chancellor
To: Chair of Ethnic Studies

RE: Churchill's latest
The golden boy is at it again. Please advise regarding official reaction to this statement:
"...Conscientious objection removes a given piece of cannon fodder from the fray. Fragging an officer has a much more impactful effect." -


Memo

From: Chair of Ethnic Studies
To: Interim Chancellor

RE: Churchill's latest

While I agree that the word "impactful" is troubling, I'm not sure why you think the awkward use of an adjective in a sentence should necessitate an official response on our part.


Memo

From: IC
To: CES

RE: Churchill's latest

You're kidding, right?


Memo

From: CES
To: IC

RE: CL

What? Was it the use of military slang? I think "fragging" is common enough in everyday vernacular so that most folks understand the meaning.


Memo

From: IC
To: CES

RE: My exponentially increasing headache

May I remind you again that I'm not kidding? And ask you again if you are?


Memo

From: CES
To: IC

RE: Your need of medication

Per your somewhat oblique request, I have gone over the statement again and stand by my first assessment. The use of "fragging" and "impactful," while grammatically informal and structurally awkward, in no way obscure the meaning of professor Churchill's statement.

On a lighter note, looks like the stress of the new job is finally catching up with you! Perhaps a nice drink after work will help. Our department likes the local mexican joint--El Gringo Sucio--and tonight is 50 cent margarita night. Care to join?


Memo

From: IC
To: CES

RE: WTF

Has it occurred to you to ask WHY I am the interim chancellor? As in, why the previous one had to leave, and which department's ill-qualified, illogical spoutings contributed quite a bit to that situation? Are you all, as the Provost has intimated to me on numerous occasions, actually HIGH?


Memo

From: CES
To: IC

RE: Dude

Seriously, you need to chill. We're all just academics doing our thing to promote racial harmony and understanding. You are way uptight.


Memo

From: IC
To: CES

RE: Dude

I hate you.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at June 30, 2005 10:22 AM
Comments

It's gotten PC the other way now. Churchill is running a Vietnam template, as in _Animal House_ at the end when they went through the eventual fates of the characters, and the ROTC military-obsession guy was ``killed by his troops in Vietnam.''

The character of the military turns out to be quite different, and Churchill is deaf to it for whatever reason ; which is not a reason for outrage but just for paying attention to somebody else than him on various topics.

Probably it comes from English reifying ``power'' as something you can have, get, lose, steal, rather than keeping the various distinctions auctoritas, potestas, imperium, officium ; and so the corrupt versions of power are all that he sees.

The Indian schtick in fact is a play for one of these ; misguided because Indian culture is always very near joke material, which does not help in most audiences, a cultural experience like suppressing gas.


Posted by: Ron Hardin at June 30, 2005 11:06 AM

As long as we allow the colleges and universities to hire all left-wingers, we will have such as Churchill. I do not want any of my tax money going to pay that mistake of birth control to teach his 'philosophy' to our young adults or anyone else.
L.Harris
Conway, Ar.

Posted by: L. Harris at June 30, 2005 11:38 AM

Sigh. Churchill is an aberration. He's also a lousy scholar.

Posted by: Michael at July 1, 2005 12:36 AM

BAW, I forgot to say something: you're insanely funny, and this ranks with your best efforts.

Posted by: Michael at July 3, 2005 11:15 AM