June 03, 2005

Gag Order

Can we just rope off the entire area around the Michael Jackson trial and quarantine it on the grounds that everyone there is just too damn icky to be allowed contact with the public? Vaseline, Jesus Juice, co-sleeping, former employees with vendettas, parents willing to expose their kids to, well, exposure for money: there's not a winner here, folks, and frankly I would sleep better at night if none of this stuff were seeping into my subconscious. Because try as you might to avoid it, there apparently aren't enough channels on the satellite to get away from it entirely. Just, EWWWW, America! Ewwwwwwww!

In better news, I am awaiting delivery of two fabulous lightsabers to our home. The local gigantic Toy Conglomerate didn't have the colors requested by The Boy: red and green. Apparently I am Darth Mom and he is Yo-Boy. This should prove interesting, mainly because they didn't have these really cool lightsabers when I was a kid trying to be a Jedi. Back in the day we had to make do with the tubes from rolls of wrapping paper, and we were darn glad of those as we duelled uphill in the snow both ways to our one-room schoolhouse where teachers were allowed to beat us mercilessly and no one had invented Gameboy yet...and you kids stay off my lawn! Shamelessly reliving your own childhood through your children is a wonderful thing, and we should do it more often.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at June 3, 2005 01:20 PM

We had to give up on the cardboard tubes because they'd bend too quick. We went with the narrow style whiffle ball bats. Everyone took a sound thrashing from those at one time.

Posted by: marc at June 3, 2005 01:26 PM

What are the rules in a light sabre fight?

I'd like to get back into fencing, I loved sabre; but you leave college and opponents disappear. If light sabre rules are similar, I'd be pretty good, I'm thinking.

I have a sabre in the basement somewhere, along with a mask, all you need.

Hits below the belt don't count in sabre. The head is fair game though.

If there's only the two of you going at it, you don't need judges; you both know who got hit.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at June 3, 2005 02:53 PM

In lightsaber fights, anything goes, largely because your opponent is usually the size of Yoda. I spend a lot of time defending my knees.

Posted by: Michael at June 4, 2005 09:35 AM

My experience is the same as Mike's.

Unfortunately, my 4-year old Princess has both a good swing (she's a muscular, very athletic one) and an uncanny instinct for hitting the groinal area. I'm hoping she doesn't lose the move by the time she starts dating (around age 25 or so). I figure if she cripples the first boyfriend, my work is largely done.

Posted by: Unknown Professor at June 4, 2005 04:13 PM

"Because try as you might to avoid it, there apparently aren't enough channels on the satellite to get away from it entirely. Just, EWWWW, America! Ewwwwwwww!"

Well, I've found that blocking ALL channels except Food Network, HGTV, and the Cartoon Network works pretty well for avoidance of what passes for "reality" (according to the news-clones) these days.

And I'm a lot happer. A LOT happier. I know more of what goes on in Teen Titans universe than my own, and I think I prefer that.

(N.B.: the shopping channels, I already had on block. If I want to by a Lladro thingydude or some kind of questionable beauty product, I'll just go to the mall like people used to)

Posted by: ricki at June 6, 2005 03:44 PM

What you want is something like this. They used to have these cool inflatable ninja swords but I can't find them now.

Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at June 14, 2005 11:57 AM

Me and da boys light saber fight quite a bit.

Careful, tho, cuz those suckers can sting if someone has a serious backhand and tags the opponent on exposed skin. Haven't had any bruises, tho.

And after a while, the sabers don't retract into the handle because of all the dents in the plastic.

But, d*mn, it's fun to use the light-up sabers because of the cool noises they make when two (or more) sabers connect.

Posted by: di at June 17, 2005 01:58 PM