May 18, 2005

Hold Me.

For those of you who are going to see Star Wars tonight, please tell me if this line:


Is actually in the movie. Many, many earth-shattering decisions in the Big Arm household (such as what Hublet and I will do with our rare free Saturday evening) hinge upon this fact.

Because if it is, indeed, in the movie, then we're just gonna go buy a new video game.

When I was nine, stuff like this didn't matter so much. Alas, I am no longer nine.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at May 18, 2005 11:31 AM

Oh, I'm sure it's in there, and I'm sure it's an awful moment. But that isn't stopping me. That's not the part of the movie I'm interested in, so can easily tune it out. Plucking dialogue from any of the movies would be a turn off that way.

If you happened to get the line from that Podheretz guy, he's just being an ass about the movie because, from reading his other stuff, he just enjoys being a superior ass about everything. It has obviously served him well, but it's a very tiring attitude.

Posted by: marc at May 18, 2005 12:57 PM

Cool. I want to go to see how the complete "conversion to the dark side" happens, but if the last movie is any indication it will be hard for me to relax and enjoy the film, because I'll be all on edge and waiting for some particularly clunky line to occur--or for the reappearance of Jar Jar.

It's sad that I'm Star Wars gun-shy. Sad, sad, sad.

Posted by: BAW at May 18, 2005 01:47 PM

There are going to be some awful, clunky moments, I'm sure. But I'm going in with my "Ooo! Shiny and explodey!" detector set very high.

Posted by: marc at May 18, 2005 02:01 PM

I think Jar Jar does make an appearance, but he is blissfully silent.

And you do know that there is a supposed script of Revenge of the Sith up on the internet. I haven't read it because I fear the giant anvils of cheese that will hurtle towards my head...

Posted by: Feral Girl at May 18, 2005 02:19 PM

Hey Big Arm Woman:

I've read your site for a while, but never posted before. As a former English PhD. student, I have analogous experiences to yours and ended up leaving for many of the hypocrisies you spoof here. Anyway, just wanted to chime in regarding Star Wars.

I read the novelization, and I have some vague recollection of that line -- or something as equally cheesy. Don't have the book in front of me, so I can't tell you for sure. But I wouldn't say it is reason to boycott the movie. It's a good story, at least to read. I guess I'm a bit of a SW freak as I was raised on the stuff, but honestly, though taken aback by melodrama and campiness, I've found that I've come to appreciate it as part of one of the reasons I enjoy the films. Crazy, I know. But making wise-ass, color comments about the dialogue as well as drooling over lightsabers, starfighters, capital ships, and Sith lightning is what I love about the Star Wars experience.

My personal favorite line from the series has got to be from that scene in Episode II that is referenced in the line you're talking about. Remember? Anakin says (paraphrase): "I hate sand. It is rough, coarse, and gets everywhere. But your are not like sand (priceless...hold your breath for the money shot). You are soft and smooth." Smooth. He he he. Unlike Anakin's skills with the women.

I'd suggest seeing it, but if you get a video game, get Lego Star Wars. Your little one will love it, and you can play it along with him.

Posted by: Jay at May 18, 2005 03:33 PM

Anyone remember "Hardware Wars" by Ernie Fosselius circa 1978?

My favorite scene:

The entire crew (Ham Salad, The Wookie Monster, Oggie-Ben-Doggie, and Princess Anne-Droid with cinamon buns on either side of her head) was cruising along in the cabin of the Milleneum Falcon when suddenly Oggie-ben-Doggie moans and clutches his head in pain.

Fluke Starbucker asks him, "What's the matter Oggie-ben-Doggie, did you just feel a disturbance in the force as if a million souls cried out in pain and then were suddenly silenced?"

Oggie-ben-Doggie: "No, just a little headache..."

Posted by: snopercod at May 18, 2005 04:49 PM

I'm seeing it in the morning. I'm expecting great eye candy, and not much else. A small part of me hopes that Lucas, in this last movie, recaptures some of whatever it was about the first movie that made my 13-year-old self become a SW maniac, but that's a very small hope. If ever there was a movie that seemed made for me at a particular point in my life, the original Star Wars was it. A part of me is sad to see it go. Unfortunately, Lucas has demonstrated a loss of perspective regarding his strengths and weaknesses, and since he's George Lucas, no one can fire him. A shame since most of the flaws a talented script doctor could fix. This is the second and last Star Wars I'll walk into saying, "I've got a bad feeling about this."

Posted by: Brad at May 18, 2005 07:09 PM

Youre so beautiful.
Thats only because Im so in love.
No, its because Im so in love with you.

Anthony Lane quotes those lines in his review of Sith.

Posted by: Chris Martin at May 18, 2005 08:05 PM

I was torn (well, not really; sleeping and picking crud out of my toenails rates higher in my scale of Fun Activities than going to the movie theaters these days), but I ultimately have decided against going to see the film for $8.50 a pop because of Lucas's witless "Dubya = Emperor Palpatine" interviews. Scroo that, I sez, and popped Hamlet into the videotape machine again. The Kenneth Branagh version has some lightning special effects, lots of men in tight pants waving swords, a bit of skin, and its author, William Shakespeare, is safely in his grave and this unable to grace us with his opinion of George W. Bush.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at May 18, 2005 08:21 PM

"And thus is unable..." Damn those minions of Karl Rove!

Posted by: Andrea Harris at May 18, 2005 08:22 PM

"And thus is unable..."

But wait! There's always Shirley Mclaine... and if Jacques Derrida can't make old Will sit up and bark Democrat, what's an education for?

Posted by: PersonFromPorlock at May 18, 2005 09:49 PM

I'm just going to wait for the DVD, as I did with episode 2. I'd much rather be disapointed with the $3.50 I lost renting it then the $15.00 it would cost to see it in the theater (gas, ticket, popcorn, etc.).

Posted by: Keith at May 18, 2005 09:51 PM

My goodness BAW, what a bunch of crotchedly old complainers you and your readers are turning out to be!

Wooden dialogue? So what? That's part of the 1930s movie serial feel that Lucas was going for with all these films. It doesn't dissuade me in the slightest. I'll see it, I'll enjoy it and I won't cry if it turns out George Lucas didn't read my mind and make exactly the film I decided it should be. It's just a movie and, better yet, it's just for fun.

As for political references, unless Michael Moore is giving a speech before the galactic senate making fun of Palpatine, I think I'll just ignore any of that folderol. This isn't some great political allegory. It's just Star Wars.

Lord of the Rings contained a serious lesson about how evil won't just go away if you hide from it and pretend it isn't there. This may have been more evident in the books, but still obviously visible in the movies, and not something you need to realize or agree with to enjoy watching the film.

Close your eyes and cover your ears when Anakin and Amidalla share screen time if you must, but lighten up. It's all for entertainment and I look forward to it.

Posted by: dhanson at May 19, 2005 04:03 PM

Okay, so that "hold me like you did line" is in there, but the bad lines in this one are overcome by some bitchin' action scenes and a plot that's 17 percent less confusing than the other prequels. Jar Jar may be in there, but I didn't notice him if he is. Hayden Christensen still doesn't sell me on his character, but he has moments where I almost like him--another improvement over the prequels. Natalie's better, and Ewan McGregor and Ian McDiarmid are really good. Sam Jackson struck me as as wooden as anyone this time.

Beyond the acting, though, the pace is well done. For the first half-hour or so, I was completely caught up in it--I was seeing Jedi adventures the way I'd envisioned them when they were first invoked in Ben Kenobi's hovel way back when. I've got some quibbles and a few genuine complaints, but it was exciting to feel that sense of wonder again, and I'm grateful.

Posted by: Brad at May 19, 2005 05:14 PM

Ok, so the line is in there, along with a bunch of other crappy Lucas-isms, but it's still a dang FUN movie! The f/x are terrific and the overall esprit de corps of the theater experience enhanced it for me tonight. Jar Jar has about 4 seconds of silent screen time. My verdict? Go forth and enjoy thyself.

Posted by: Sally at May 19, 2005 11:07 PM

As Brad is the arbiter of all things cinematic in the Big Arm Household, I shall go forth and procure ticketage post-haste!

No pressure, Brad!

Dhanson -
Yeah, but I think the whiny comes from that place where you've idealized a childhood memory to the point that nothing will ever live up to that first magical viewing of Episode IV in the theatre, and it just reminds you how in the end, very few things are really as good as you remember. I'll stop before I get into an existential rant that has my entire readership slitting its collective wrists...

Posted by: BAW at May 20, 2005 08:26 AM

Hey, I'd join you all and see it again, but I'll be out of town. You'll enjoy it, methinks. Enough of the dialogue is well delivered and the energy of it is such that the dud lines don't stop the movie in it's tracks the way they did in Ep. 1 & 2. I pretty much agree with Will Collier, but don't read the spoilers yet:

Posted by: Brad at May 20, 2005 11:25 AM