April 21, 2005

Got Nuthin'

Not an ounce of funny in me today. Nor yesterday, either. And the ranty mc rantitude is similarly petering out. I don't know if it's because there's so much to be annoyed at that I've shorted out my anger centers, or if it's a terminal case of SSDD, but there you have it. But here are a few items that managed to stir the venomous brew that is my dilapidated soul into a froth:

1. Paris Hilton, Would You Please Shut Up? No, please. I'm begging you. I did not care when you were poorly filmed in night vision having skanky malnourished sex with an extortionist. I did not care when you got a reality show. I did not care that you got a "screamer" role in a remake of a cheesy Vincent Price horror flick. And the words that I need to express my current depth of not caring about your stupid-ass announcement that you're de-friending Nicole Richie have not yet been invented, more's the pity. I would have enjoyed using those words. Loudly. In all caps and followed by fun profanity symbols. All I can say is that I hope whatever Nicole did to you involved scissors and boiling oil. Life is not a LiveJournal hissyfit, Miss Thang. Now put a sock in it. Love, America.

2. The pope? Catholic, with all of the "unpleasant" things that entails regarding personal responsibility and the fact that "Do Whatever The Hell You Want" and "Stop Oppressing Me, You Square" are not the eleventh and twelfth commandments. And also, read this.

3. Your official "I hate everyone and everything involved with education" article of the day is here.

Gah. I need a vacation.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at April 21, 2005 01:18 PM

Girl, you're still funny even on an off day. Just remember the old addage "illegitimus non-carborundum" [Don't let the bastiches grind you down.]

It might cheer you up to know that I have achieved the seventh level of do-not-care Nirvana regarding someone named Paris Hilton - I don't even know who he or she is.

...and absolutely don't care.

If you wouldn't mind a little constructive criticism, though, I think you should have included the Michael Jackson trial in the category "Things To Not Care About".

As I grow older, I find that many things seem to fall into that category doncha' know...

Posted by: snopercod at April 21, 2005 07:17 PM

I don't know whether to find it profoundly funny or profoundly sad that the Paris public "de-friending" (great word, that) made the morning news.

I mean, talk about life imitating the (3rd grade) schoolyard.

Posted by: ricki at April 22, 2005 08:45 AM

And this is life imitating the (8th grade) bathroom wall.

Posted by: Laura at April 23, 2005 09:42 PM