April 19, 2005

News Flash! Baby to Be Born; Society Will Cope

This makes me laugh. And not in the way the architects of the stunt may have intended. I am laughing because I have a feeling the "brave" mom-to-be has agreed to give birth in an art gallery because she has no freaking clue what labor is like.

The money quote?

Johann Novak, manager of the DNA-Galerie in central Berlin, said the artistic couple wanted to challenge conventional norms.

"It's a bit of test to see if society can cope," he said in a telephone interview.

With what, exactly? Birth? We've been coping with that for a few millennia. Birth in a public place? We read about taxicab deliveries once a week or so. And the article says there will only be 30 people present for the birth; hell, there were that many medical technicians in the hospital room where I performed the feat.

I'm thinking this will be more of a test to see if a couple of self-absorbed euro-artistes can cope with reality--the reality being that expelling a live human from your body hurts like a sonovabitch. That's why we have hospitals and epidurals, ladies--not because The Man is oppressing nature, but because The Woman grabbed The Man by the throat and said, "If you don't do something to help me with the pain I Will Kill You Dead!"

This post has been brought to you by The Artists--celebrating centuries of successfully complicating stuff that just isn't that complicated.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at April 19, 2005 08:56 AM

What about final labor that is too short for an epidural to take effect? Is that better or worse? She Who Is Perfect In All Ways never got her epidural for this reason for any of her three children. However, she did demonstrate her Hysterical Strength Action Grip. The memory is in my bones, if you know what I mean.

Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at April 19, 2005 02:49 PM

BIRTH, society will cope with. It is the BOWEL MOVEMENTS that sometimes occur that might just send some patrons screaming. That and the post-birth stitch-up.

Posted by: Belle at April 19, 2005 03:17 PM

...So maybe I'm still somewhat confused. Are they insinuating that giving birth is art or is this more along the lines of the idea of wanting to have sex in the most unusual of places?

Posted by: Chrystal at April 19, 2005 06:26 PM

Oh and don't forget the afterbirth. I never understood homebirth, you then have a truely disgusting mess to deal with afterwards.

Posted by: Sarah G. at April 19, 2005 09:33 PM

A *real* artist would eat the afterbirth like cows do.

Posted by: snopercod at April 20, 2005 07:46 AM

Childbirth pain is what years of female nagging and complaining were practice for.

It's your opportunity for the perfect one-liner.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at April 20, 2005 09:27 AM

If someone slips can they sue the museum?

Posted by: The Bastard at April 21, 2005 05:40 AM

Ugh. And I thought "natural" childbirth couldn't bet any uglier. Man, am I glad I had a c-section. I didn't miss a thing! I had a big white room with doctors and nurses and machines! Oh and drugs. Drugs are good, mmmkay.

Oh, and that comment on eating the afterbirth, umm, it's actually being done. If you've got a strong stomach, search for placenta recipes on Google and get grossed out.

Posted by: Julianne at April 21, 2005 11:11 AM