March 08, 2005

A Cautionary Tale--Too Late

So two of my pals are preggers. I anticipate that one will be high-maintenance, as she is already sending me weekly updates concerning her organic menu and eradication of all chemicals from her home, as well as numerous complaints about her inability to raise a child on just her husband's income of $90,000 per year. Oh, cry me a river. Seriously. I'll wait.

The other one won't be high maintenance. This is good. Since it is becoming apparent to me that my body is far too old to gestate another human being, it looks like I will have to enjoy the benefits of vicarious pregnancy. It also affords me the opportunity to post cautionary tales of What To Expect, just to horrify my friends. Here's today's version:

So last week, if you may recall, there was an Unexpected Vomit Incident at Exit 301, followed by hosing off The Boy at work and an unnecessary sick day--The Boy was just fine following the pukeage.

This morning, I was running late. It was raining buckets, which made the traffic horrible, and I was trying to drink my coffee and avoid an aneurysm, when I heard:

"Mommy, I don't feel good," from the back seat.

Oh, shit. I checked the rearview. The Boy looked sad.

"Are you too hot?" I asked, turning everything to COLD and HIGH and directing it rearward. "Here, breathe deeply and slowly." Frantically, I searched the car for a possible vomit receptacle before seizing upon the Gladware that housed my sandwich. Sandwich was put on the passenger seat, and Gladware was handed to The Boy.

"If you feel like you're going to throw up, use this."
"I don't want to!"
"PLEASE. Just. Use. It."

Not two minutes later, there was retching. I checked the Exit number--303. I get off on Exit 297. Traffic was starting to pick up speed. Double shit.

"Mommy, here." Even better. Now I had a shallow pan of vomit held precariously between thumb and forefinger, and I had to figure out how to maneuver it over the seat without spilling it while driving 65 mph down the highway in a rainstorm. And then...

"Mommy, I need it again!" More vomit. More careful maneuvering of the Pan O' Puke, hopefully with very little swerving.

I held the P.O.P. carefully until exit 297, when a stoplight afforded me the opportunity to put a lid on it and grab a fistful of pampers wipes.

We went to daycare, changed his clothing, and I left him acting perfectly fine and playing with friends. I fear my child has developed motion sickness. As we commute 20 miles each way, this could be a problem.

I will definitely be picking up a gross of Gladware on the way home, and possibly a small, waterproof, rain poncho for in-car use.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at March 8, 2005 12:47 PM

Gladware rocks! ZipLoc bags are good for this purpose, too. Gnarly though it may sound, yellow and blue really do make green.

Posted by: Ph.D. Mama at March 8, 2005 01:12 PM

Actually ``preggers'' loses a beautiful etymology, the original being pre - gnant, with a silent g. At least I suppose it's silent. Probably rough breathing or something is called for. gnatus, born, from gnascor, a deponent verb, so you know there's something odd about it.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at March 8, 2005 01:17 PM

My daughter gets carsick, and we keep a bag of peppermint candy in the car for the purpose. Your kid is too small to travel in his carseat with a piece of candy in his mouth, so here is my UNASKED FOR ADVICE.

Put a piece of peppermint candy - look on the bag and make sure it has peppermint oil in it - in a bottle or sippy cup of water. You'll have to do this enough ahead of time that it starts to melt. Let him sip this in the car. Alternatively, Celestial Seasonings has "Tummy Mint Tea" that you can make and it actually tastes pretty good, hot or cold. My kid says this really makes a difference.

As to your friend who can't make it on $90,000 - I wonder if she actually just likes her job and wants to go back to work and thinks she has to justify this. I'll be glad when the day comes that women can do what they want (provided that their kids aren't being criminally neglected) without feeling like they have to make up reasons.

Posted by: Laura at March 8, 2005 01:27 PM

We found (back in the dark ages when our son was small) that ginger snap cookies work well for motion induced nausea. Those might be easier than the peppermints for him to nibble on.

(Works great for dogs that get car sick case you need that info.)

Posted by: Ellana at March 8, 2005 01:34 PM

Very often if you're the one driving, you don't get carsick. Also works with flying, by the way.

So let the kid drive.

A BBC survey in Britain years ago found that over half of Britons favored letting dogs drive if they're trained. I just mention it.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at March 8, 2005 01:56 PM

Laura -

I concur with your opinion, but the friend in question hates her job and has a problem with living within her means--she buys thousand-dollar koi, for example.

And so I await the river of tears that the lack of thousand dollar koi will bring. Gah.

Posted by: BAW at March 8, 2005 01:58 PM

Silly me. When my son was a baby we worried about how we were going to afford to feed him the super-expensive jazzed-up formula he needed when the man's income didn't even cover the bills. How did I ever manage without koi?

BTW, things have a way of working out. On paper it didn't work, but somehow we managed. Nobody went hungry and the money always appeared when things seemed hopeless. Still I can't help but regret my poor koi-less existence. ;)

Posted by: Julianne at March 9, 2005 09:53 AM

.99 plastic drop cloths from Lowe's. You can just tape up the entire back of the car and he can vomit with impunity. Tres chic.

Posted by: Feral Girl at March 9, 2005 09:55 AM

There seems to be a pattern forming here: 301, 303.

I'd watch out around exit 305 next time.

And - give me a husband making 90K, and a baby, and by damn, I'll make it work. And make it work well. And be happy. Well, at least until the puking starts. Puking and diapers are two things that make me feel not so inconsolable that I've failed to breed so far....

thousand dollar KOI? You mean bottom-feeding carpfish? Surely you jest...a thousand dollars for one of those things? Day-um.

Posted by: ricki at March 9, 2005 10:12 AM

Don't forget to show them pictures like this.

Posted by: Annoying Old Guy at March 9, 2005 11:16 AM

Ginger has anti-nasea, anti-motion sickness properties. You can get ginger syrup, ginger lozenges or even lollipops for little ones. They are life savers/car upholstery savers, I promise you.

You can also teach him how to help himself with acupressure. When you hand is palm-up, go down the arm from the wrist two finger widths , and press gently but firmly in the middle of the inner arm. It can make nausea go away instantly. It may be tender, so don't press too hard.

I hope this helps!

Posted by: Shaula Evans at March 15, 2005 07:57 PM

Celestial Seasonings also makes a ginger/peppermint tea that is very effective, but might not taste good to a toddler. Ginger has kind of a hot taste.

Posted by: Laura at March 16, 2005 09:11 PM