February 28, 2005

My Only Oscar Comment

Dear Fashion Designers:

About those mermaid dresses--please stop. Every two years they appear, and every two years they suck. Unless your name is Ariel and you hang out with a talking jamaican crab, you have no business doing mermaid chic. So save us all some time and stop with the mermaid dresses. Please? My retinas are begging you.

Big Arm Woman

Posted by Big Arm Woman at February 28, 2005 10:42 AM

Well said! What is up with those wierdo dresses? And could there have been a BIGGER bow on the back of that Latina woman's dress? Can't remember her name, but it was the one who wasn't Selma Hayek. And why does a beutiful woman like Gwyneth Paltrow choose a dress that emphasizes the fact that she just had a baby? Can you say -"No satin across the tummy, please?"

Posted by: Haley at February 28, 2005 11:58 AM

The mermaid dresses give me pause as well, but the only thing more disturbing than that trend last night was taking a close-up look at Ms. Bridget Jones' skin. As a performer, I understand the impulse to gain street credibility and a certain artistic authenticity by gaining and losing the same 30 pounds multiple times to play a role. I think we all get that.

But in the words of my husband, her poor face looked like a very pretty but "deflated balloon." I find it almost as disconcerting and unnatural as the mermaid dress phenom.

Posted by: Ph.D Mama at February 28, 2005 12:23 PM

Oh, do not get me started on the Cosmetic Enhancements on Parade that was the women (and more than a few of the men).

Check out Laura Linney's immobile forehead! Can you say, "Botox?"

Sometimes, I almost feel sorry for those people, starving and mutilating themselves so that they "look good."

But then I remember that they ostensibly possess free will, and how very financially rewarding this self-mutilation can be, and I get over myself.

Posted by: BAW at February 28, 2005 12:49 PM

Laura Linney could have passed for an extra from "I Robot" last night. I'm just saying.

Posted by: Ph.D. Mama at February 28, 2005 01:05 PM

Laura should find whoever "did" her hair and beat them soundly, too.

Posted by: Sheryl at February 28, 2005 03:41 PM

I ignored the whole kit and kaboodle and went with my hubby to a rock and roll show. Sometimes music wins over movies for me. The members of Interpol looked just as sharp as Chris Rock, and the lead singer of Blonde Redhead is just as skinny as Charlize.

Posted by: Belle at February 28, 2005 04:03 PM

I much prefer this "Isis" dress that Mrs. Israel was wearing at the Mrs. World competition:


Posted by: snopercod at February 28, 2005 05:15 PM

What the hell is a mermaid dress?

Posted by: Michael at February 28, 2005 10:38 PM

Michael -

Dresses that are form fitting until about the knee, when they flare out like the world's biggest single bell bottom, making the wearer look like a mermaid.

Salma Hayek wore one.

So did Renee Zellweger.

And Scarlett Johansson

And Virginia Madsen

I could go on. But the dresses make you look really odd. Halle Berry, on the other hand, looked awesome.

Posted by: BAW at March 1, 2005 08:29 AM

Thank you, BAW. They do look ridiculous.

Posted by: Michael at March 1, 2005 12:29 PM

What's up with Zellweger's Mrs. Claus outfit? Doesn't she know Christmas ended like two months ago?

Posted by: Emily at March 1, 2005 06:35 PM

I wear the same thing every day, myself. I have 14 of everything. ``You're not going out in _that_, are you?'' How long since I've heard that!

So here these poor women get all dressed up and they're victims of the same criticism. It's a tough world.

If you can't dress like a fish for the Oscars or whatever it was (scrolled away now), where can you?

Posted by: Ron Hardin at March 1, 2005 07:50 PM

Ron -

In a just world, the answer to your final question would be "nowhere,ever."

Alas, the world is not just.

Posted by: BAW at March 2, 2005 08:18 AM

A wonderful costume designer told me once, "it's art. It's not a democracy."

With that in mind, I suggest a veto on mermaid dresses, clear lucite heels, and feathers of any kind. At all. Bjork ruined it for us all.

Posted by: Ph.D. Mama at March 2, 2005 08:47 AM