December 31, 2004

Here at the End of All Things

Like many of you, I have a weird love/hate relationship with all these end of year retrospective/prediction shows and articles. They annoy, yet I cannot seem to stop myself from reading or watching. I am weak. Weak, I say!

And this weakness precludes my making a list of resolutions, since that implies a to-do list and weak folk such as myself simply cannot muster the energy to accomplish much. So my entry for the end of the year will be a list of Things I Will Not Do in 2005, where a lack of real effort will help me feel accomplished. Go, me!
So without further ado, here is the official Big Arm Woman List of Things NOT to Do in '05:

  1. I will not make a night-vision sex tape and distribute it over the internet.
  2. On a related note, my mammaries will not make any unscheduled appearances at events covered by national media. You're very welcome.
  3. I will not join an activist group of less than 7 people and publicly express the hope that my doing so will somehow remake reality.
  4. I will not eat falafel. Thanks, O'Reilly.
  5. I will try my damndest to avoid reading about or listening to celebrities weighing in about any topic other than entertainment. You're welcome, blood pressure,
  6. I will not partake of any food prepared by friends of Vladimir Putin during an election cycle.
  7. I will not give money or attention to anything having to do with the NBA, their valiant struggles to feed themselves on less than $20 million notwithstanding.
  8. I will not star in a reality TV show.
  9. I will not routinely stay up too late in order to view the ending of a David Spade or other ex-SNL cast member vehicle. Yes, this is a problem for me. No, I don't know why either. I said I was weak, okay? And Joe Dirt had Christopher Walken in it...and I can't NOT watch Chris Walken...and--can we just move along, now, please? Thanks.
  10. Finally, I will not succumb to the urge to don sackcloth and ashes now that the extended version of Return of the King is out and my four-year infusion of new LoTR footage has finally ended.
Posted by Big Arm Woman at December 31, 2004 10:46 AM

My daughter resolves not to throw rocks at the Loch Ness monster. It's been her resolution for the last three years, and so far she has had perfect compliance.

Posted by: Laura at December 31, 2004 12:58 PM

I completely concur with #5. And why haven't those joker "celebs" who VOWED to move if Bush were re-elected packed up yet? I'm waiting.........

Posted by: angie at January 1, 2005 06:48 PM

What's wrong with falafel? It's fried chickpea paste. Along with salad and some tehina (sesame dressing) in a pita w/some thing to drink it makes a lovely lunch.

What did O'Reilly say about it?

Emily Nelson nee Dachowitz

Posted by: Emily Nelson at January 2, 2005 10:29 PM

But did you see that Peter Jackson's version of "King Kong" is due out in 2005?

Wanna see that.

Plus "Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Sith." Not a big fan of 1 and 2, but I seriously HEART 4 thru 6.

And "Batman Begins" (or whatever the correct title is) is supposed to go back to the Caped Crusaders dark roots.

So I resolve to see one movie in a theater this year that I am interested in watching because it appeals to me...not one that I am taking the kids because they want to see it (almost feel asleep during "Yu-Gi-Oh: The Movie.")

Posted by: di at January 3, 2005 05:15 PM

I must put in another good word for falafel. I heart falafel, and all things chickpea (or, if you insist, garbanzo bean). Of course, I live alone, and am currently chowing down on a bowl of penne tossed with a sauce made of sliced grape tomatoes, fresh basil, virgin olive oil, and nearly an entire head of minced raw garlic. My cat is lying on my bed with her paw over her nose.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at January 3, 2005 08:42 PM

"...a bowl of penne tossed with a sauce made of sliced grape tomatoes, fresh basil, virgin olive oil, and nearly an entire head of minced raw garlic."

Oh, that sounds delightful!

There's a dish I make for my daughter every now and then: get the water boiling, add olive oil, minced garlic, and dill, add a handful or two of finely chopped vegetables (baby carrot, onion, celery, broccoli, whatever), let the water come back to a boil, add angel hair pasta, and after just a few minutes, drain and serve. OUR cats like it. Sometimes. The kid thinks it's comfort food. I like it too.

Posted by: Laura at January 3, 2005 10:31 PM