October 20, 2004

Who Peed In Your Fruit Loops?

One of The Boy's charming three-year-old qualities is his refusal to pee unless it is his idea. And when I tell him to go potty immediately preceding bedtime and when he gets up in the morning, he objects. Never mind the fact that he drank approximately 14 ounces of milk right before he dozed off--he will. not. pee. As I am a person who must schedule nighttime beverage intake to occur within a 30 minute window (taking into account hours of sleep planned, size of beverage glass, and the wind speed of the African Swallow) in order to avoid having to get up in the middle of the night to relieve myself, I find this trend distressing. And so every day we cajole, bribe, order and snap completely, and The Boy whines, cries, tantrums, then produces a copious stream of urine--usually in the potty. I hate this. A lot.

So last night I decided to try the whole "target practice" tactic I'd heard about, whereby you drop some Cheerios in the bowl and let a male child demonstrate wee-wee dexterity by sinking the toasted Os. Except I didn't have any Cheerios. I had some Fruit-Os, the off brand version of Fruit Loops that They Boy had seized off the shelf in a previous grocery adventure, and that he had left over from the morning's breakfast (The Boy likes his cereal dry: He drinks some milk, then eats the cereal like finger food. Lather, rinse, repeat. Yes, I have tried explaining the wonders of skipping a step by combining the essential elements, but since I'm in my mid-thirties and still cannot stand for my food groups to touch each other, I figure he gets it honest and that I'm not one to lecture. Anyway...). Even better! Colorful targets, merrily floating in the bowl! The Boy was even quite excited, if a little confused at first; after all, it's not like mommy can demonstrate Fruit-O sinking technique, and daddy was unavailable. But he gamely whipped it out and sank the Fruit-Os! There was much rejoicing! And flushing! So life was good, and we proceeded to bed.

As I reclined in front of my TiVo'd Farscape and Hublet finished tucking in The Boy, I was summoned to the back of the house by a distressed call of "MOOOMMMY!" That was Hublet yelling, by the way. I rushed back and stuck my head in the door.

"Tell Mommy what you said." this from Hublet.
"Tell her."
"What?" this from me, torn between concern for what The Boy's deep, dark secret might be and my need to find out who the traitor was on Farscape.
"He said he wants to pee-pee on his Fruit Loops." Hublet sounded concerned. Grossed out, too.
"Yeah, I told him he could."
"WHAT?!" Now Hublet was really icked out. So I explained the Great Fruit-O Sinking of Aught Four. Hublet remained grossed out, and not terribly eager to demonstrate his Fruit-O sinking prowess--"I am 34 years old. I'm not going to pee on cereal," were his exact words.

My rejoinder that he really ought to Carpe Diem, or Carpe Fruit-Os, or Carpe Pee Tricks, fell on deaf ears.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at October 20, 2004 01:55 PM

This is America! You CAN sink fruit loops! http://www.travelmateinfo.com/page002.html turns up quickly on google.

However there are difficulties with the idea, as this consumer report-back on John & Ken discovered http://rhhardin.home.mindspring.com/johnkencut.fem.ram

Posted by: Ron Hardin at October 20, 2004 03:11 PM

In case you missed it, the traitor on Farscape was the first person you'd've guessed it was. You know, the annoying one whose name I can't think of right now.

Posted by: perletwo at October 20, 2004 03:56 PM

You can also toss in some raisins and play "shoot the bug". And you KNOW your hubby's going to try it when you're not home. Sort of like me catching mine serenading the (he thought) empty house with a medley of Barney's greatest hits.

Posted by: Sally at October 20, 2004 04:04 PM


Peeing on fruity cereal is a gross out?!

Just wait until The Boy discovers the meaning of flexiblity and calls you into the bathroom while urinating to show you, "Look, Mom! It wiggles when I jump!"

That is a gross clean-up.

And I seriously hope that is one thing Hublet doesn't secretly want to do when everyone is out of the house.

Posted by: di at October 20, 2004 07:10 PM

My colleagues down the hall are probably wondering right now why I'm laughing out loud in my office. Thanks for the chuckle.

Just think, eventually he may even learn to put the seat down. :) Think there's a cereal game for that?

Posted by: terminaldegree at October 20, 2004 09:38 PM

Yep. We used the Cheerios, but I ended up having to explaing it to my mother-in-law.

Posted by: Jacqui at October 21, 2004 12:28 AM

I cannot WAIT to ask the Boy about Fruit Loops! For that matter, Hublet!

Do you watch Farscape? I think a guy I used to know is on it, Ben Browder? People love this show, right?

Posted by: Belle at October 21, 2004 08:43 AM

Belle -

Yep, Ben Browder is the protagonist of the show: John Crichton, astronaut.

Another Georgian turned actor?

And I totally heart the show, muppets and all. Netflix the first season sometime.

Posted by: BAW at October 21, 2004 09:06 AM

I don't remember being grossed out once I ascertained what the heck BAW and son were talking about. I also do not remember being asked about, nor commenting on, the possibility of my urinating on fruit loops. Methinks this is another example of BAW hyperbole, but I'll allow for the minute possibility that I said these things. In any case, the issue quickly ceased to be important to me, as I was only concerned with handing the bedtime reins over and returning to the Sox-Yanks game (clever ploy, no?).

I assure BAW's readers that I will not bother with trying the target practice myself - too much trouble. The fun of peeing, for me at least, declined significantly once I was too old to have pee-stream swordfights with my buddies when we were playing war in the woods (around ages 6-10).

Posted by: Husband of BAW at October 21, 2004 10:36 AM

We just moved to a northern climate from GA. So, we now have the happy coincidence of teaching Monkey Boy (our 6-year old) how to write his letters when he'll be seeing his first REAL snow (we had it before, but he was too young). So, I get to show him how to write his name in the snow.

Ah, the joy of discovery.

Posted by: Pete at October 21, 2004 12:21 PM

So tell me again, which one's the grownup?

Posted by: Claire at October 21, 2004 03:34 PM

In case Claire's question was directed to me, I'm *nominally* the grownup. However, I try not to lose the childlike sense of enjoyment that goes with certain things...

Posted by: Pete at October 24, 2004 05:06 PM