August 18, 2004

It Came from the Back Seat

Our twice-daily commute is only 30 minutes, but it offers The Boy plenty of time to ruminate on the Myriad Mysteries of Life. It's also a good way to find out whether or not he spent any time in "time out" that day, but that's neither here nor there. When he's not pointing out faces in clouds or blue monsters in the treetops ("It's gonna bite the car, mommy! Go faster!) or perfecting his back seat driving skills ("Red light, mommy. Red light! Redlightredlightredlight!" Red light means STOP, MOMMY!" "Yes sweetie, but that red light is six blocks away. I don't have to stop for it here.") he is busily at work on what I like to call The Boy's Guide to Living Right. The Boy's Guide is a mishmash of parental admonishments, natural observations, personal desires and a smattering of Veggie Tales lyrics all rolled into one overweaning philosophy in an attempt to make sense of the world. Here's a sample:

Boy: "We don't say `stupid.'"
BAW: "Right, sweetie."
Boy: "Stupid is an ugly word."
BAW: "Yep."
Boy: "So we don't say `stupid.'"
BAW: "And we don't say that we don't say it, either, just to be able to say it. That's cheating."
Boy: (Sly smile) "What if I just say it real slow?"
BAW: "Speed makes no difference. You and I know it's an ugly word. Don't say it."
Boy: (Bursts into musical number) "Jonah was a prophet!"
BAW: "oooh, oooh!"
Boy: "But he really never got it!"
BAW: "Sad but true!"
Boy: "If you've been watching you can spot it!"
BAW: "Doodley doo!"
BOTH: "He did not get the POINT!"
Boy: "Wanna hear faster song, mommy."
BAW: (Flips radio, lands on Outkast's "Hey Ya")
Boy: (Flailing in his car seat) "Dance, mommy!"

Strangers stare at sudden spastic fit from driver and passenger in the Subaru.

Boy: "I'm moving up to my new class with all my friends."
BAW: "Yep, with Miss Kay. You'll have fun."
Boy: "Uh-huh, because I have my orange socks on!"
BAW: "Orange socks are the color of fun."
Boy: "Uh-huh, the color of fun! And my frog shirt."
BAW: "Also orange."
Boy: "Uh-huh. With frog. I wanna go to your work, mommy and show them my orange fun socks."
BAW: "Maybe we can do that Friday."
Boy: "Otay. Your work needs orange socks."
BAW: "That's the truth. The whole world could use more orange socks, son."
Boy: "The WHOLE WORLD?!?"
BAW: "mmm-hmm."
Boy: "Mommy, you're kinda silly."
BAW: "Yep. You love me anyway, though."
Boy: "Yep."

There is a moment of silence.

Boy: "We don't say `shut up.' `Shut up' is ugly. We don't say it. Not even slow."

Posted by Big Arm Woman at August 18, 2004 10:42 AM


Another VeggieTales family!!


Someone who will actually get it when me and my boys do the "What's seafoo?" riff.

Someone who'll get the joke when we talk like French peas.

Someone who'll understand why we sing everything on the menu, even when it isn't in a Chinese restaurant.

'Course, the problem is that we're several hundreds miles north. In a state that is not a stronghold of Christian values.


Um...and a word of advice about the car dancing. Ya may wanna discourage it. Once the total poundage in the back seat tops 50, the really spastic dancing causes the car to develop a slight (but noticable) tail wiggle.

Posted by: di at August 18, 2004 01:52 PM

Stand by.

Before too long he'll figure out 'dam' and 'damn'.

I've done this bit four times now. It's a little different every time, but the logic is the same.

See? This is why all adults need a child supervisor. It makes you saner.


Posted by: Jim at August 18, 2004 01:57 PM

"Orange fun socks." I smell a marketing trend ...

Posted by: Lex at August 18, 2004 02:17 PM

Overweaning is when you cut off the milk supply.

Posted by: Ron Hardin at August 18, 2004 08:32 PM

Oh, yay, a visit back to the fun of conversing with a small philosopher. That, for me, was one of the unexpected joys of parenting. See, I acquired David & Scott when they were 6 & 3 1/2. Scott would ask the greatest questions....

Wait till somebody catches you in a, well, untruth. Or mis speaking.

Boy was my face red.

Posted by: Liz Ditz at August 19, 2004 01:25 AM

Oh, and OutKast & Veggie Tales? The kid's gonna have an INTERESTING social outlook.

Posted by: Liz Ditz at August 19, 2004 01:25 AM

Won't you join me in my irritating little song?

[/french peas]

Posted by: LittleA at August 19, 2004 09:25 AM

My four year old has found the joy in the feel of words, such as "Naked", "chunkyhead", and "sknife" (which isn't knife, we made sure) or any other word that is fun to repeat. As my mom-in-law pointed out, at least he isn't saying "butt naked."

French peas. Heheh.

Posted by: M. Wnklmnn at August 19, 2004 10:40 AM

How cute! But, just wait until he gets older. Mine, now in 4th grade, announced to his classmates last year that his sister is a "dumb ass". He doesn't say "shut up", though, as that has been ingrained since toddlerhood. We don't say "shut up". Good boy.

Posted by: Sally at August 22, 2004 09:48 PM