May 05, 2004

A Visit from Hyperbole

Well, it's been a while since I've had a chance to just kick back with a beer and relax...drat. Jinxed myself again. Someone's at the door...

Hyperbole: I feel dirty.

Me: Moreso than usual?

Hyperbole: Oh, are you channeling Irony now? I'm trying to be serious! Look! No outrageously exaggerated statements in what, two sentences now?

Me: A lot of exclamation points, though. Okay, okay. I'm here to help. What's the problem, H?

Hyperbole: Well, you know things have been going badly for me financially lately...

Me: How is that possible? Your Hollywood "crushing of dissent" contracts and your standing "chilling effect" contract with academe should have you rolling in it! And, hello? Election year? Did you even pay attention at all in that investment seminar you attended?

Hyperbole: Well, remember that super-hottie I hooked up with in San Cabo?

Me: You mean, Foreshadowing?

Hyperbole: Yeah. Turns out he only wanted me for my money.

Me: He ripped you off?

Hyperbole: Totally. Although I probably should have known something was up when he kept watching all those Lifetime Channel movies; you know, the ones where the man has a deep, dark secret and rips off the woman or betrays her or something? Oh, and taking notes on them. Lots of notes.

Me: Oh, good lord.

Hyperbole: Anyway, so now I'm kinda broke, and I took a couple of jobs that made me feel all dirty.

Me: Oh, no. No you didn't.

Hyperbole: Look, I was desperate! And, how'd you know it was me, anyway?

Me: Like anyone BUT you could come up with stuff like this. And it spawned a whole hyperbolic showdown all over the internet. I hope you're getting a good per word rate, here.

Hyperbole: Not quite good enough, I'm afraid.

Me: Don't tell me you had something to do with this, too. Dear God, woman, how many times do I have to tell you to stop working with this guy?

Hyperbole: At least one or two more, apparently. I just bought a new car.

Me: You're right to feel dirty.

Hyperbole: Hey!

Me: No, seriously. Actions, consequences. You needed cash, now I have to use a clorox-based eyewash for days in hopes that the searing agony will help me forget about these men and their self-important kerfuffling. And also, if I see the word McCarthy ANYWHERE in the next week...well, I know where you live, is all I'm saying, H.

Hyperbole: That'll be $25.

Me: OUT!

Posted by Big Arm Woman at May 5, 2004 10:38 AM
Comments

If it helps, sensible liberals hate Ted Rall as much as they hate Anne Coulter. Possibly more, because he taints our good names.

Posted by: Another Damned Medievalist at May 5, 2004 03:48 PM

I have no idea what this post is about but I am woefully in the dark when it comes to punditry. I'm sure the "hublet" will get it - I'll pass it along to him. He certainly finds you amusing and witty! Lucky girl.

Posted by: Belle at May 5, 2004 05:14 PM

ADM -

I'm thinking folks of every political stripe should have a big button that reads: "Please stop being on my side. You're making my side look stupid."

We could display them whenever the hyperbolic rantings of extremeists get out of control.

Posted by: BAW at May 6, 2004 08:15 AM

Yep. We had an impromptu talk in class today about the female GI. I said I wanted to get my hands on her and push her smirking face through the back of her head. My students said they'd hold her down. Not because they're liberal, but that they all had the idea that, as an American, she should have known better (the one Gulf vet in the class kept saying that the punishments for war crimes included hanging), but the women were all even more upset, because as a woman, she should have known better. Glad to know that righteous anger can cross political boundaries.

Posted by: ADM at May 6, 2004 04:04 PM