March 04, 2004

How to Be a Crazy Right Wing Blogger, According to Ted Rall

  1. Wake up. Shoot alarm clock and dog with big ol .357 magnum.
  2. Have breakfast of toast and tea. Plug Fox Newsfeed directly into cerebral shunt for upload of "approved" daily headlines.
  3. Update list of "liberal bete noirs."
  4. Fire off angry emails to everyone everywhere who has anything to do at all with anyone on the list, because God knows right wing bloggers are just obsessive compulsive little conspiracy theorists convinced that the other side is persecuting them because of their belief--oh, wait. That's actually my description of Rall. Moving on...
  5. Get Ted Rall's comics removed from one online source. Just one, mind you, out of about 142 print and numerous other online spaces.
  6. Have big party, because it's ALL ABOUT TED and persecuting him for daring to speak truth to power.
  7. Sleep like a baby.
Sometimes I'm curious as to what it would be like to believe that the world revolved entirely around me, that only I held the answers to the universe, and that I must fight fight fight the forces of EEEEvvvviilllle, who also conveniently seem to be strawmen. And then I read Ted Rall's blog, and I realize that it would be a hell completely of my own making.

Via michele.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at March 4, 2004 01:04 PM

You gave away the secret! Oh no! John Ashcroft and Halliburton are going to want to have a word with you! Ted Rall is only supposed to suspect that the entire universe is plotting against him, we're not supposed to provide proof!

Your cerebral shunt must have malfunctioned.

Posted by: Oddly Normal at March 4, 2004 01:44 PM

Breakfast of toast and tea?!? I thought real right-wing bloggers only ate meat, preferably red and raw, and only drank coffee, black. And coffee only when they weren't drinking something with a proof of at least 100.

Shows what I know...


Posted by: Myria at March 4, 2004 02:23 PM

8. Brag about how many women you've slept with.

Posted by: Emily at March 4, 2004 04:16 PM


I wish to point out that at some point in your life you did believe the world revolved around you.

Granted, you were three years old at the time, but still....

Posted by: di at March 4, 2004 07:05 PM

(So, is Rall's nose bleeding yet???)

Posted by: di at March 4, 2004 07:06 PM

I do, in fact, breakfast on toast (whole-wheat with butter) and tea (with milk and sugar). Where that would put me on the political-blog spectrum is anyone's guess....

Posted by: Sgt. Mom at March 5, 2004 11:03 AM

When I am king, I will pass a law that all people must love me.

Seems that Ted thought HE was king.

Posted by: LittleA at March 5, 2004 02:43 PM

#9. Call ALL your doctors and get multiple refills of Oxycontin.... then complain about all the liberals smoking pot! Wait, Rush isn't a blogger... yet! -Yellow Dog

Come on America! Get off your porches and run with the pooches-- the big Yellow Dog, that is! Vote Yellow Dog for President and vote for America!

Posted by: Yellow Dog '04 at March 5, 2004 08:34 PM