October 08, 2003

Bedtime Story

See Mommy. Mommy looks tired. Poor mommy. Why is mommy tired?

See toddler. See toddler play. Play, toddler, play. See toddler suddenly stop playing. Toddler is upset! Toddler is screaming! Why is toddler screaming? It is dinnertime, toddler! Come and sit! Come and eat! "Nooooooooooooo!" shrieks toddler. See toddler fling apple sauce. See toddler get time out. Hear toddler scream. See toddler eat only one noodle for dinner. See mommy count to ten. Twice.

See daddy. Daddy must go out this evening. Daddy must go visit the funeral home. Funerals are sad. Why does daddy look happy as he is leaving? Bye-bye, daddy! Daddy thinks leaving is funny. See daddy laugh! See mommy glare.

See little orange socks with pumpkins on them. See mommy trying to remove socks from toddler. See toddler take exception. See toddler run away with socks half off. See toddler trip and fall. Hear toddler scream.

See potty. Hear potty make flushing noise. "Whoosh!" says the potty. See toddler laugh. See toddler stand on potty. See toddler sit on potty. See toddler strip naked except for pumpkin socks, sit on potty, jump over potty, and laugh. See toddler make pee-pee on the floor. See toddler run. Run, toddler, run! See mommy mop up pee-pee. See toddler playing with potty. "Flush potty!" laughs toddler. See mommy bang head on floor.

See bedroom. It is dark outside. It is time for toddler to go to bed. See toddler run. Hear toddler wail. Night-night, toddler! Time for bed! See toddler FINALLY go to sleep. See mommy weep with relief.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at October 8, 2003 01:00 PM

Here's a slice from my life:

See teenager. See teenager play. Play, teenager,
play. See teenager suddenly stop playing. Teenager is upset! Teenager is screaming! Why is teenager screaming? It is dinnertime, teenager! Come and sit! Come and eat! "Nooooooooooooo!" shrieks teenager. See teenager fling headphones. See teenager get time out. Hear teenager scream. See teenager eat only one noodle for dinner. See mommy count to ten. Twice.


Posted by: Academy Girl at October 8, 2003 03:06 PM

Thank you for yet another reassurance that one child is more than enough! I've earned my toddler badge and am now working on kindergarten. Go kindergartener go!

Oh, and FYI, since you're in potty training, don't buy "Toilet Train Your Child in 24 Hours" or whatever it's called. It's full of LIES! I'd look up the exact title on Amazon but they've only just recently stopped recommending potty training books and I'd rather not interfere with that.

Posted by: Julianne at October 9, 2003 10:55 AM

Julianne -

I have exactly one potty training book that I forget the name of, but it's a nice common-sense approach--basically it just confirms that what I thought I should do was correct.

Academy Girl -

Oh, good. I was afraid that this was going to get EASIER as time went on. What a relief to know that my life will be one big sucking vortex of doom for the next 16 years or so. Whee!

Posted by: BAW at October 9, 2003 12:41 PM

I'm afraid this is what you are in for until he grasps the concept of threats/bribery, which will kick in sometime between 3 and 4. Until he truely grasps--- and is willing to adjust his own behavor in response to "Sweetie, if you don't stop that, you will be spanked" or "Darling, if you are angelic, you will be rewarded" you are better of just thinking of the kid as an untrained and impulsive little animal. Don't torment yourself by expecting something that he is not capable of providing.
Teenagers, though.... I lucked out and drew a good one, so no advice there, except to resist any impulse to come unglued and scream, which tends to frighten them.

Posted by: Sgt. Mom at October 10, 2003 11:27 AM