September 03, 2003

Been There, Heard That--a.k.a. Get a New Meme, Dumbass.

Oh, look! Another ex-pat celeb has graced us with pearls of wisdom, no doubt culled from his vast intellect--oh, wait, it's just Johnny Depp. Never mind. See, like the author of this piece, I'm conflicted about the Deppster. I usually enjoy his movies, because he's very good at being someone else. I like the Else-Depp, and would be perfectly content to forget the Real-Depp, particularly when, every time he opens his mouth, something banal or inane or childish comes out. I mean, really, Johnny--"a dumb puppy?"

If you were going for insulting, I think you missed. I like dumb puppies--they're happy go lucky and carefree, and generally won't bite you on the ass unless you are mean to them. Of course, there's the whole housetraining thing, but you can fence in your yard and solve the problem...but I digress. For some reason you seem to think that dumb puppies are also mean puppies. Or did you really mean the whole "broken toy" analogy instead? You're mixing your similies, J. Pick one and stick to it--otherwise you sound disjointed and possibly stoned...oh, nevermind.

Don't worry, little Real-Depp. I'm not going to go out and run a steamroller over a copy of What's Eating Gilbert Grape because you're dissing the motherland, although you would probably be happy if I did, as it would be a vindication of your small-minded stance about America. I won't even tell you to shut up. But I will sit here and smirk in a superior manner at your hollow self-righteous posturing. Hopefully, that will drive you mad. Because all great artists are slightly insane, and that means that you'll continue to make good movies.

That's the bottom line, Johnny, and one you should pay attention to. For all of your deeply held beliefs about life and art, you're still just a product. And we'll consume you until we tire of you, then we'll forget all about you. Sort of the way a dumb puppy treats a chew toy. Hmm, guess you had a point there, after all.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at September 3, 2003 10:42 AM

Just think of him- and other celebrity nit-wits-- as performing monkeys; pay no attention unless they are all dressed up in costumes and performing their little hearts out for you.

Posted by: Sgt. Mom at September 3, 2003 02:19 PM

Gosh you are funny. Have you read Rachel Lucas' take on this yet? You both have me in stitches. And I'm sad I have to work all day and didn't get a chance to write my own (because I had one cooking, too). Guess I'll just have to link to you :)


Posted by: hln at September 3, 2003 04:33 PM

Perhaps we can use the "dumb puppy" statement, and start coloring all our conversations with dumb puppy assertions: "Oh, don't worry, he's just a dumb puppy". "Oh, you know, just a dumb puppy moment". "As giddy as a dumb puppy".
Because puppies are cool, even when dumb. They are dumb: None of them has ever won a chess match yet; chewed the pieces, yes, but not actually played the game.

Posted by: Camilo at September 5, 2003 10:57 AM

Anything I'd say, other than Depp is on my "Finished" list, would be redundant. All of you said it with a flourish.

Posted by: Indigo at September 6, 2003 12:31 AM

Actually I have some respect for people like Johnny Depp and Woody Harrelson. I totally disagree with their opinions but at least they are internally consistent. JD has moved to France to get away from the U.S. so he put his money where his mouth is.

I despise celebrities like Alex Baldwin who run their mouth about how awful the U.S. is how they hate it so much but yet they never pack their bags and leave. Or Rosie O'Donnell, who is oppossed to the right to bear arms but yet she hires armed guards to protect her family. If you are going to run your mouth at least be internally consistent.

Posted by: Ross at September 7, 2003 06:58 PM