September 02, 2003

Embarrassment of Riches

The Boy turned two on Saturday. Hublet and I had already purchased and assembled his big present earlier this month--one of those sprawling Little Tikes climbing/sliding contraptions--so I only got him one small item to open on the day itself, figuring that two sets of grandparents and an aunt and uncle with no kids of their own would take up the slack. Turns out that was putting it lightly. Highlights of the Weekend of Mass Consumption?

Wiggles Pajamas--yes, parents, your child can now burn holes in your retinas by parading around the house in garish blue pjs emblazoned with primary colored blocks and maniacally grinning Wiggle heads. Good Lord, those things are bright! And your child will refuse to take them off in the morning, resulting in a rainbow colored, tantrum throwing blur. There's not enough coffee in the world. Perhaps The Wiggles could throw in some sunglasses for the parents with those pjs? Or some valium?

Hot Wheels sneakers. What can I add to that? Nothing.

Thomas, Thomas, Thomas. Two beginning train sets, two videos and one DVD. Add to that the Thomas underwear that The Boy picked out all by himself yesterday as a prelude to potty training, and you can imagine our joy. I noticed that the Thomas underwear has the "Really Useful" catchphrase printed on the front near the fly. Fill in your own joke--there are a million of them.

Wiggles Cake, complete with miniature Big Red Car toy on top. It was a very cute cake for the 3 seconds it existed intact, then The Boy grabbed the Big Red Car off the top and hasn't been separated from it since. He takes it to bed with him and makes it go around the Thomas tracks. Sir Topham Hat is most annoyed--the Wiggles do not fit his definition of Really Useful.

He also received more clothing than anyone has a right to own, including one outfit that is a miniature copy of one I saw Elijah Wood wearing in a publicity still. The Boy is nothing if not cutting edge, fashion-wise. He also got a t-shirt emblazoned with "Warning: I am Two." from my favorite uncle. This is extremely appropriate, as he ran screaming down the hall when his aunt and uncle arrived to wish him a happy birthday.

So he's a year older and I'm exhausted. I can only imagine what future years will be like, when I start throwing his little buddies into the mix...

Posted by Big Arm Woman at September 2, 2003 08:51 AM

Just do not under any circumstances let him ever watch the Thomas movie The Magic Railroad it is more evil and stupid than anything you can possibly imagine -- and it stars Alec Baldwin.

Posted by: Jordana at September 2, 2003 11:27 AM

There's a great op-ed in Sat.'s Financial Times that says that if you're secure and confident at 3, you 'll be the same as an adult.

Posted by: kate at September 2, 2003 02:03 PM

that if you're secure and confident at 3, you 'll be the same as an adult.

Yeah, but your parents will be writhing, twitching, gibberish-laden wrecks.

Posted by: Kim at September 2, 2003 02:20 PM

The best way to keep his birthday parties from imploding into a screaming, sugar-fueled riot is to only invite as many friends as he is years old plus one. So next year for his third birthday celebration, he can have four friends. Trust me, this works.

Posted by: Sgt. Mom at September 2, 2003 03:53 PM

No, Jordana, Thomas and the Magic Railroad is not evil. It just shouldn't be watched by adults (including me). BTW, isn't it Sir Topham Hatt, with two tt's?

Posted by: Michael at September 2, 2003 06:57 PM

Sgt Mom: Ingenious! Why didn't I ever think of that? I did use a similar system with "eating your vegetables" tho. "Eat one green bean for every year you are old." Or one tiny spoonful, etc.

Posted by: Indigo at September 2, 2003 07:35 PM

Dear Lord - I've hit the motherlode!

Michael - Forgive my misspelling of the fat conductor's surname, as I am a mere novice in the world of Thomas.

Sgt. Mom - Most excellent idea!

Kim and Kate - I'm already a wreck, and he's only two. Methinks this bodes ill.

Posted by: BAW at September 3, 2003 10:48 AM

There are Wiggles PJs? Dear God. The cassettes (audio and video) are bad enough. ...

Posted by: Lex at September 3, 2003 05:04 PM

The truly sad thing is that I bet I know what store they got the Wiggles Pajama's at.

I work at a retailer evenings unloading trucks, and we just got in a huge shipment of them. As far as I know, we are probably the only place that carries them. (At least I hope so)

Posted by: Tony Hooker at September 4, 2003 02:16 PM