August 18, 2003

What Fresh hell is this?

Okay, you're going to laugh. Actually, you might not, as you don't know me that well, but let me assure you that if you DID know me personally and I told you this, you would fall down laughing.

I am going to be teaching Sunday School to 45 2-year olds. Not alone, and not all at once, but still. Me. Toddlers. Copious amounts of toddlers in a confined area, including The Boy, who isn't terribly understanding when mommy pays attention to other children.

I got suckered in a moment of weakness, when a friend of mine called to say one of the teachers had dropped out last minute. "Okay, " I said, thinking that it would be a good way to help ease The Boy into a new experience. Then I went to "orientation Sunday." Dear God.

The Sunday School hour for toddlers is split into 15 minute segments as follows:

1. Getting over separation anxiety.
2. Assembly with the three year olds, where they learn a song.
3. "Lesson," which is story time followed by coloring.
4. Playground time.

Sounds simple. Yep. Real simple. There are just a few details missing from the picture -

1. Potty training, or lack thereof. One teacher is occupied full time with trips to the bathroom or trips to the changing table.
2. Callie, the big, mean pushy girl who likes to sidle up to smaller kids, waits until a teacher's back is turned, and then smacks the other kid and takes his or her toy. I'm not a fan of Callie.
3. Separation anxiety, incidentally, cannot be relegated to one fifteen-minute period of time.

And that was with just 8 children. Wait until things get into full swing next week, with 17-25 of the little dears roaring around. The above list will grow exponentially, and I will get my tubes tied. Possibly these things will occur simultaneously--all things are possible in Toddler World.

Incidentally, the class is called The Doves. I suppose that "The Plagues of Moses, " while perhaps a more accurate description, would be inappropriate. The good news is that at least I'll be spending my Sunday in prayer--for patience and stamina.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at August 18, 2003 03:27 PM

You have my empathies. BTDT. Overall, a good gig, tho.

Posted by: Indigo at August 18, 2003 06:49 PM

Makes me happy that we normally only have one or two toddlers to look after in our church nursery. And no one who knows me believes that I actaully signed on for it.

Posted by: Laura at August 18, 2003 10:45 PM

I am simply amazed at your bravery. 45 small Kings and Queens of the world? You thought of yourself the UN, to contain so much power in so short a morning?
I think that "The Doves" means the teachers.

Posted by: Camilo at August 18, 2003 11:37 PM

Yes, I am the UN. Unfortunately, I think I'm going to be France at the UN--trying to throw my weight around and control stuff, only to be ignored.

Posted by: BAW at August 19, 2003 08:27 AM

Even though the story of Job will come to mind often, I have found it to be over their sweet little heads.
Bless you and may God protect you.

Posted by: jim at August 20, 2003 05:39 PM