July 14, 2003

PSA - Fisher Price Little People: Still Evil!

I've opined before that the Fisher Price Little People are a scourge, but lately I've had to revisit that assessment. The are The Devil Incarnate. Why? So glad you asked.

They. Have. No. Knees. And yet, these shuffling malproportioned blobs of clay somehow manage to climb trees and jump around like crazed homunculi.

They. Have. No. Parents. Whence originate these evil little golems? No one ever calls them home to dinner, they call all the adults in town by their first names, and they roam the streets at all hours, stopping by the zoo after closing and stealing springs from the auto shop. Also, the adults are strangely receptive to their every suggestion, and even when their stunts are dangerous (see Sarah Lynn accidentally shoot a lion and clown into the sky), everyone laughs and applauds. Why? What secret power do they possess?

Michael. He's the secret devil spawn--he does actual magic and blots out the sun! Everyone in town fears Michael's wrath, and so, like the evil kid in that Twilight Zone episode he and his friends are free to Rule The World of the Little People!! Muhaahaahaa! Their evil shall reign eternal!

Will no one stop this jointless scourge of clay?! Yes, I know. Going to get some decaf now. But seriously, don't be surprised if the Little People videos mysteriously "vanish." I'll just blame Michael.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at July 14, 2003 10:27 AM

So I see someone else's child collected enough "Danimals" yogurt UPCs to get the free video w/matching plastic choking hazard. I think the theme song is the most annoying thing about the video, but it keeps the 4-yr-old happy for a half hour...can't complain.

Posted by: Paula at July 14, 2003 05:06 PM