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June 19, 2003

Radio Ga-Ga

I hate morning radio in this town. Hate it the way my cat hates the golden retriever down the road: with puffy, irrational, hissing hate. The only show I can stomach is syndicated out of Charlotte, and I like it because it makes fun of stupid stuff. Go figure. But when they're having an off day and I am driven to surf the dial, I end up wanting to kill myself. No, wait, that's all wrong. I end up wanting to kill the following radio personalities for being (in no particular order) vapid, loud, obnoxious, ill-informed, unfunny and named Bob. Come with me as we tour the FM dial in Raleigh, NC...

First off is 96.1, the rock station, with "Chopper and Jimmy."
Positives: No one on the show is named Bob.
Negatives: everything else. For Chopper and Billy, if it ain't hockey or boobies, it don't exist. NEXT!

98.1, which runs the show I actually listen to: Bob and Sherri. Positives: They actually entertain me.
Negatives: There's a Bob here. Also, craptastic music.

100.5, the oldies station, with John Boy and Billy.
Positives: None.
Negatives: The Music. The "look at me, I'm a silly redneck" schtick is TIRED. I don't care if you're the reddest redneck on the planet, there is such a thing as too. much. NASCAR. Dammit. Also, burping? Just not the laugh riot it used to be when I was TWELVE.

101.5, aka The Pallid Rip-off of the Show on 98.1.
Positives: None.
Negatives: Bill and Sherri. Wow, no one will EVER NOTICE YOU'RE RIPPING ANYONE OFF!!! Also, it would help if "Bill" wasn't 110 years old, if his jokes didn't come from the public library's copy of "How to be Entertaining at a Social Gathering" (copyright 1952), and if Sherri actually had a personality that wasn't cribbed from her namesake. It's like watching a community theatre production of CATS--very, very painful.

105.1, the show that makes me violent. Also, I think the most popular show in town.
Positives: My rage at the very existence of this show causes me to drive faster, so I get to work on time.
Negatives: Bob and Madison. Some marketing exec thought, "HEY! I'll put an ignorant fat whiteboy conservative nutjob on the air with a knee-jerk liberal black woman and watch the sparks fly!" Except there are no sparks. It's painfully obvious that "Bob" spends his every waking moment trying really hard to "gin up the controversy" by broaching topics like toejam, fat people, and how Harry Potter is EEEEEVIILLLLLEEE, and all Madison does is occasionally pipe up for A Dinner With Friends. You go, liberal firebrand. Whatever. For the "wacky hijinks" segment of the show, they persuade people to be nekkid in public. Woo. Watch out, Howard Stern--Bob and Madison are gaining on you!

106.1, the "classic rock" station. Hey, can I hear some more Skynard? 'Cause, you know, I eat that shit up, being southern and all. I think that covers the "positives."
Negatives: Bob and Tom. One of them--dunno which, as my finger usually punches this button in desperation, pauses for a moment until I regain my senses, then moves on--smokes so many packs a day that his vocalizations barely manage to squeeze past his phlegm-encrusted uvula and make their raspy way to my ears. It is grotesque. Also, they're all about the boobies. It's like The Man Show on FM! Sign me up. Not.

89.7., the Classical Station. When I am trying to wake up, listening to classical music introduced by someone on a break from announcing the PGA tour doesn't help.

AM? Try Imus. Or rather, don't. Wishy washy ancient codger who thinks it's the height of hilarity when his 5 year old lets fly the "fuck!" Also, NO ONE CARES that you used to do coke and drink. I promise, so shut up about it. And, please get your head out of Paul Krugman's ass. I'm sure he'd like to sit down.

All I want from my morning drive time is a little weather, a little traffic, and the funny, interspersed with decent music and not a lot of commercials. Yes, I realize that I won't find any of those things on this planet. Still, a girl can dream.

Posted by Big Arm Woman at June 19, 2003 09:34 AM
Comments

Thanks for the reviews. Sometime I get nostalgic for "morning radio on the way to work", now that I'm retired. Your reviews tell me that if I were still driving to work, I'd probably just listen to CDs.

Posted by: Indigo at June 19, 2003 03:04 PM

Look for lex and terry.... they're on in NC in a couple of places... try lexandterry.com for their network locations.... you'll ne3ver switch back

Posted by: oceanguy at June 19, 2003 04:49 PM

It seems to me that your comments betray a fatal flaw, the belief that it is good, or even possible, to be pleased by anything within an hour of getting up.

Just hate morning radio and every other living thing at that hour; it's the healthy thing to do and the people who are up with you will find you a more natural person for it.

Posted by: ManFromPorlock at June 19, 2003 05:32 PM

Oh, this is true everywhere. For a while, one St. Louis station was wise enough to go no advertising, no chat-it-up, all music in the morning. I think it had trouble paying its bills, though, because that is long gone.

I make sure a CD is set to play when I get in my car in the a.m. Nothing else will do.

hln

Posted by: hln at June 20, 2003 08:36 AM

I live in Garner and can provide a angsty YESSSSS!!!! to each and every review you gave. I liked the guy who used to be on the oldies station (100.7) before they descended to the likes of JohnBoy and Billy. I have kept my clock-radio alarm on that station, however, because the aforesaid JB&B do produce the painful but necessary effect of causing me to flee my bed for the blessed silence of the bathroom!

Roxanne

Posted by: Roxanne at June 20, 2003 10:40 AM

Loved the Imus/Paul Krugman comment! It's even more painful to see him salivate on MSNBC--(my infant enjoyed watching him @ 3:00 AM last summer for some odd reason). I try to avoid getting into the car before 9:00 AM; but if I have to, I blast J-Pop and let the kids scream in protest.

Posted by: Paula at June 20, 2003 01:12 PM

OMG!!!! You mean John Boy and Billy are NATIONAL? I thought we Okies were the only ones cursed with those two idiots. Not that I ever listen to them on purpose. The other half thinks they're the greatest thing since the invention of radio itself which, considering the crap they broadcast these days, might not have been such a great invention after all (thank you Clearchannel) but I digress.

I would rather not hear ANY talk in the morning. When we had a classical station here there was, for only about a year, a guy named Fred Child whom I really liked. He talked but not too much and had a nice, casual/friendly voice. Then, without any announcement whatsoever, they replaced him with some perky, kindergarten-teacher-voiced woman whom I desperately wanted to bind and gag with the dirtiest pair of socks I could find every single morning she was on.

Reasons why a large CD collection is absolutely necessary.

Posted by: Lynn S at June 21, 2003 12:52 PM

That's why I had them install a cassette player in the car. I hate hate hate the sound of people talking on the radio. And we get them same syndicated horrors. (Clear Channel owns that part of Central Florida that hasn't already sold its soul to NPR.)

Posted by: Andrea Harris at June 22, 2003 03:16 PM

Pretty much dead on, I think. The Triangle radio market is a dead zone, overtaken by faceless Clear Channel crap and the sadly flagging Curtis stations. Bob and Sherri are listenable, yes, and even make me laugh, but the three-minute-segment-then-commercial cycle gets a bit annoying after a while.

WBZB (AM 1090 - http://www.wbzb.com/) has great music, but has the distinction of being the only radio station I know of that sounds better through my crappy laptop speakers than over the air. Then there's WUNC. I love NPR, really, but their local presence is, well, sadly lackluster. There's no traffic information in the morning, and the local headlines are pretty much read straight out of the N&O. I've met the news director there and I know she's really trying, but the changes that are necessary are going to take a good bit of money and that's something that they don't have right now.

For now, I think I'll stick to my MP3 player in the mornings (and most other times as well).

Posted by: Duncan at June 24, 2003 07:52 AM

keep doing the great job

Posted by: gary at August 25, 2003 01:34 AM

Bob & Sherri. Now that's entertainment. Intelligent humor even. They sure made the mornings at work fly by. What a rude awakening it was to turn the radio on one morning & hear that they had been replaced by that damn Rick Dees! What I want to know is who told this goofball that he's funny?

Posted by: Rhon at September 29, 2003 06:45 AM

I listen to you guys every morning when I go to work.Some of the things you all say really cracks me up. I enjoy listening to you. Keep up the good work.I would also like to make a comment on a letter that was read on the air i think it was thursday morning. It was about blacks and nascar. I think the person who wrote this was just awful,because the last time I checked we live in the USA and that we ( all colors ) have a right to enjoy any sport we like . That letter offended me. What gives this person the right to say that blacks can't enjoy nascar racing as much as a white person could. That sport is'nt a color issue ,I thought that this was 2004 not back in the 60's and earlier. This person needs to get a life.

Posted by: Peggy at May 1, 2004 05:36 PM

I loooovvvvvvvveeeee Bob AND Sheri in the morning. I am a single mother of two girls,both born just before Sheri announced being pregnant.
I belive that laughter is the best medicine,and I am shure cheaper than an anti-depresent.So I get an hour of free therapy every morning with Bob and Sheri.What did I miss?Where are BOB and SHERI?
(luved the book)

Posted by: Tonya Lambe at September 6, 2004 09:06 AM

WHAT HAPPENED TO BOB & SHERRI!!! I used to listen to them every morning on the way to work and after leaving my job, only listen occasionally after dropping off my son at school. It's only been a couple of weeks and I turn on my radio yesterday!!!! NO BOB & SHERRI!! It was shocking!! Tell me. What is 98.7 thinking. That was great talk radio!! What is this crap they have on there now??? I'm changing stations!!

Posted by: Lynn at September 14, 2004 08:26 AM

what have you done ......bring bob&sheri back...they were the coolest morning talk show I've listen to them and 98.7 through out my day I have changed stations now.....please bring them back

Posted by: wendy at September 29, 2004 08:16 PM

All I can say is...BRING BACK BOB AND SHERRI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They are the BEST!!!! They make me laugh every morning and there's nothing better than to start your day with a laugh!!! I have changed stations in the morning because the new duo that is on is awful!!! What was 98.7 thinking. I know so many people that have stopped listening because of what they did
JUST BRING THEM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Kathy at October 4, 2004 03:57 PM