January 14, 2003

Rogue Singing Vegetables Have Eaten

Rogue Singing Vegetables Have Eaten My Brain

I suppose I should be glad that the boy has thrown over the hellspawn Fisher Price Little People in favor of the VeggieTales Silly Songs Collection, but frankly, I'm not. The problem is not that the songs are vapid or stupid or anything, it's that they're so dang catchy they stick in my head. Hublet and I find ourselves bursting into spontaneous choruses of "Oh Where is My Hairbrush" as we perform our morning ablutions. I fear for my job if this continues--yesterday, I had to physically restrain myself during a meeting in which a rather corpulent co-worker spent a good deal of time mashing himself into the ergonomic chair from suddenly singing: "A great big squash just sat upon my hat! A great big squash just squished my hat real flat! He squished my hat, he made it flat he crushed my snack now what of thaaaaaat?"

As the meeting droned on, my internal monologue went something like this (my thoughts appear in italics):

Corpulent Co-Worker: So, vis a vis the marketing strategy, what's our timeline?

Me: Well, we're kicking off with the pre-marketing brochure at the groundbreaking, A great big squash just sat upon his hat! A great big heavy squash squished his hat so flat he squished his hat he crushed it flat he mashed his snack now what of thaaaaaaat? ahem, with the giveaways. As soon as the construction site is underway and we get the webcams operational and the 360 tour online, we'll start the mailings. Now tell me everybody, whaddya think of that?

CCW: Great. Now, onto budget.

Me: Barbara Manatee--manatee, manateee! You are the one for me--one for me, one for me.

CCW: What do you think?

Me: That's doable. I just need to make sure we don't go over the limit before the end of this fiscal year. We are the pirates who don't do anything, we just stay home, and lie around. And if you ask us, to do anything....we'll just tell you...we don't do anything!

CCW: Well, it's getting near lunchtime. Any last items to cover?

Me: You are his cheeseburger, his precious cheeseburger, he'll wait for you-ooo, oh, he'll wait for you-oo, oh!

After the meeting...

CCW: I think that went well, don't you?

Me: Sure thing! Now tell me Mr. Nezzar, now whaddya think of that?


Posted by Big Arm Woman at January 14, 2003 06:37 AM